1. First off, your husband's behaviour right now is tainted by an addiction - infidelity is VERY ADDICTIVE... and all the negative destructive behaviour that comes from that - lying, manipulation, aggression, tension, moodiness, emotional outbursts, even theft and violence can result. All actions are driven to secure and enhance the affair, the addiction.
2. Do NOT rush into divorce. Read Chapter 1 of Divorce Remedy - The Divorce Trap. Divore is NOT an easy route to end pain. Your husband is being pressured by an OW to do what he's doing and he is emotinoally vulnerable.
3. How was his behaviour BEFORE he met OW? Was he more aggreeable then? If he was great before OW, then most of what you are dealing with is OW's influence, once she's gone he should gradually shift back to normal.
4. Is the OW married? Whom have you exposed his affair to and in what way did you expose it? What exactly did you say to the people you exposed to?
5. Do NOT validate his infidelity by callint it a "realtionship", do NOT use the term "love", or ask him if he "loves her" or anything pertaining to a romantic relationship. Infidelity is very much like stalking. The stalker thinks he's "in love" and in a "relationship" too.. But he's lying, he's creeping around and threatening a person's emotional stability.
6. Be careful in assessing your H as a good father - good father's to their children do not LIE to their children's mother and cheat on her.
7. Consider all the long term effects of pushing for divorce, many people who do this end up regretting the decision. If you think your H has potential when he is NOT involved at all with OW then consider a family - therapist reconcilliation. Note : Individual Counsellor's are NOT the same as a family therapist... the latter requires a amuch different skill set than the former. Divorce is not something to purusue when you are hurt or upset, there are much more important things to consider (your marriage and your children) when contemplating divorce. To submit to your impulses is what your Husband is doing... Try not to follow suit.
8. How long have you been D-busting? Most people don't start d-busting right away, they have to put teh skills together first.
9. Note : Affair-busting requires a bit of a different skill set and approach than divorce-busting. You have done some exposure and a mild confrontation, but it doesn't sound like it was backed up with a boundary set or consequences.
This sounds like it CAN be saved by the sounds of it... Don't lose hope
