I think your W is acting pretty normal. Remember, they decided to leave. They feel they did the right thing for them. When you go dark, they might not like it, but they're not going to give in that easy.
Our situations are similar in that our W's still seem to like us, and enjoy our company, even though they decided to leave. Co-parenting little kids tends to do that. Other situations seem to have much more anger and venom than ours.
The question is, how long can our W's hold out? Last year I was horrible about making my W feel the consequences of her deicision. I did in some little ways, which she hated, but mostly I let her know I was still there for her, and that I'd be a 100% coparent with her. Whereas I'm still committed to coparenting with her, now that only means practical things, as in where, what, and when. Sharing the joy of our son doing well in basketball, or laughing about our daughter doing some cute thing are no longer part of our R. She is on her own now, emotionally. Even better, she thinks I'm now sharing all that with another woman!
I've slowly realized over the last year how instinctively manipulative women are, maybe not all women, and maybe not all the time, but certainly these WAWs. v1olin, even though you'd been dark for a while, when your W started that conversation with you about your project, she was checking if you'd still treat her like a friend, like a partner, and you did. When she asked you if her eyes were red, she wanted a teeny tiny intimate moment with you, and you gave it. A stranger, or even aquaintance, would never ask you to look into their eyes.
I'm amazed at how the WAW can keep going with just these tiny little interactions to assuage their anxiety about the loss of their partner, and I think that's why others here say that ALL contact of that sort has to stop. Only when they've gotten NOTHING for a period of months will they start the feel the real consequences of their actions.
I give my W nothing now. Nothing. I don't look at her, I barely talk to her. I have cut off that bond we shared over the kids, and it's taking its toll. In the past she would have been stomping mad and throwing tantrums over me ignoring her like this, but now she's passive and submissive, and respectful to me. After five days of silence from her, last night she tried to get me to talk on the phone, and when I only gave her a word or two following by silence, she said in a sad and defeated voice "Well... ok... have a nice night then..." I'm so determined to give her nothing I'm actually mad at myself that I replied "You too" before hanging up.
