...but I do not believe in use of sex as a control device.
While it might be commendable that you would not use sex as a control device, your belief in it is irrelevant bacause sex can and IS used as a control device. It's like saying you don't believe in gravity or the number 42.
There is no "duty" in sexual intimacy (that is another word for "expectation"). There is a general duty clause in the civil law that expects sexual fidelity, but not sexual duty. That there may be a consensus expectation of what minimal level of sex should occur (for whatever reason) is just that...a consensus expectation. That there may be a consequence for failing to meet the expectation and that the consequemce could be seen as "justified" is wholly different.
So, for example, tomorrow marks the 13th year since the last time I had any sexualy intimacy. The fact that you don't believe in it does not make it "go away."
The Captain
Responses.
Agree with you in most places here Captain.
I believe that the use of sex as a control device or leverage is a bad sign, and usually its going to snowball to larger problems in other area's of the relationship. I believe most will agree it is somewhat "dirty" to do this.
Taking out the sex completely is almost like taking out the "partnership" in a relationship, and at a certain loss level you should let the relationship go, as your significant other is telling you that you are not high enough priority to them to make sex and intimacy important for them.
I understand that there is no "duty" by law, but this should be spoken between the relationship partners and obviously the right way would be some sort of rate that is close (in the middle) to meeting both partners needs.
I don't think most of us should go more than 3 months without sexual or emotional connection, let alone 13 years.
Why has it been 13 years captain? That is a very long time.
In myself and others sex will bring about additional self esteem which makes you more funcitonal, less stressed, increased self-being, even if you are a master of bringing it out with out the sex and good treatment.
I'm believing at some point you have to take care of yourself and that does not mean masturbation, even if you want to keep the marriage intact.
