I'm not completely opposed to confronting OW, but if you DO go ahead with it, for god's sakes don't consider what's going to come out of her mouth to be anything but SPIN AND OBFUSCATION (at best), and out-and-out-DECEIT (at worst).
Treat her as your enemy, to be dealt with -- NOT your ally.
H is going crazy today. I'm just going to post the emails because it's easier.
From him: I’m sorry, but what were the 4 things you told me last night?
I thought we were supposed to have a conversation, which is two or more people exchanging thoughts and ideas, not just you walking in, saying your piece and going to bed?
From me: I know all about your infidelity You are hurting me, the kids, and your whole family I want you to break it off with her immediately I want us to work on our marriage
From him: What about the part about you not sitting idly by?
From me: no response
From him: Not talking to me?
From me: Of course I'm talking to you
From him: You're not answering my question
From me: I don’t feel the need to answer your question. I’ve said my piece, I’m waiting on action from you. You know where I stand and what I want from this. I’ve been forthright and honest with you, and withheld nothing. Nothing else I say can make any difference at this point. Ball's in your court.
Keep that position.. he's trying to bait you into a fight to get info from you...
HE's panicking... just avoid convo like you are doing...
Keep sending those four things in EVERY reply... maybe change "break it off with her" to "end your infidelity" to avoid legitimizing... break it off sounds like a romantic relationship
You also need to protect your computer... he wants info.. he wants to know what YOU know and who ELSE knows.. its reverse infidelity now...
YOU are the one with teh secrets and HE is panicking and wants to know what's going on... you see?
After confrontation the secret-keeping and the intel gathering reverse owners... its classic!
Now YOU own the secrets Now HE has to gather intel
Its reversed!
Happens all the time...
Make sure he can't get at this forum or any other valuable info... if you can lock the room where the PC is kept do it.... he may try to erase yoru hard drive .... seen that happen too
If you can't protect your computer give him one piece of intel :
"I have backups of all my info and its all stored where you can't get at it, so don't waste your time looking for it"
You also need to protect your computer... he wants info.. he wants to know what YOU know and who ELSE knows.. its reverse infidelity now...
YOU are the one with teh secrets and HE is panicking and wants to know what's going on... you see?
After confrontation the secret-keeping and the intel gathering reverse owners... its classic!
Now YOU own the secrets Now HE has to gather intel
Its reversed!
Happens all the time...
Make sure he can't get at this forum or any other valuable info... if you can lock the room where the PC is kept do it.... he may try to erase yoru hard drive .... seen that happen too
Yep -- THIS ^. Please be careful. Sweep your own car daily for a possible voice recorder, and lock down your computer and cellphone.
Well, I screwed it up a bit, but no one is perfect and I forgive myself. LOL.
I called OWH to let him know I was going to do the confrontation and that I would not mention him or that we had talked. I forgot to *67 the call and she picked up his cell. Not expecting it, I hung up and immediately called her cell. She did not answer. I called their house, no answer. Back to her cell, now she's calling back on his phone, but I'm trying to get a hold of her on the cell. Debacle.
Anyway, I didn't want to leave "evidence" of what I said so she'd be able to play the voice message for H, but I just did it anyway. Very calmly I told her all I said above, making sure infidelity was in there plenty, and work on your own M, and leave mine alone, and this is MY family. Etc. I did well, but just wish I hadn't lost the element of surprise and screwed it up.
Can't wait to hear from DH to see what he thinks about all of this. We saw each other leaving for lunch and he never even said hello. He did look very, very bothered, huge scowl on his face.
