Not yesterday, Friday or Saturday (she told me on Sat eve). But in the last 4-5 years, she's said it before.
She makes dramatic statements, so I've always discussed it and "told" her it was an overreaction. I've also told her to get help. This is the first time she's planning to talk to someone about it.
(Journalling below) I can't help being depressed... - Monday am: insists on the divorce mediation and goes there thinking to end the marriage - Monday pm: accepts an agreement that shows trust and faith in me, verbally understands improvements needed are two way and accpts giving me time. ML. - Tuesday: I go through my concerns and tell her how most of them are really issues I have that I accept as selfish/unreasonable/solvable on my own; ML, getting more emotionally close - Wednesday: I'm afraid because of the mediation rollercoaster, but ready to commit. I try to reconcile, but fail over something that really wasn't that big. It was huge to her, I get that, but in the cosmic scheme of things, a 3 sec look isn't enough for the results against me. She didn't actually leave the restaurant, so I consider myself "lucky". She sleeps alone leaving me crying and feeling betrayed over a confession she already had known about and a massive overreaction to something I didn't intend. - Thursday: Things looking up, she apologizes after a walk for her actions and overreaction (her words) on Wed. I feel hope again. I made a surprise candle-lit dinner that wows her. We talk about rebuilding. I only offer affection through massage, but she draws me into ML. - Friday: ML again. I screw up, in part because of some comments she made, and my addiction taking over once she had left. She comes back in the eve and asks for a D. I lock myself up into our B'rm to consider what to do. We talk twice, but she goes on a full attack against me and tries to begin planning the D with me. Tells me things that seem punitive, such as "she'll leave the kids with me" (which she wouldn't, I think). I give up after passionate appeals for her compassion, and lock the door again. She goes psycho, banging on the door to talk about 9x that night. - Saturday: Wake up to more of the same door banging. Finally, around 1pm I get the strength to face this D and the fact that I'd rather it than a rollercoaster, but I decide to try to open her up to reconcile first. This on top of her also saying she thinks she'll be happier with another man. She goes on yet another walk. Comes back, says she conteplated suicide and that she wants a D as soon as possible. She repeats the demand to call our mediator asap. I use touch and love to pull her back. - Sunday: Depression hits. How could she love me but not be able to give me an olive branch? I accepted getting a doc., I am always honest with her, I am slowly but I am changing already, I've made many other changes, the sex is great for her based on "evidence" & frequent, we're trying to buy a new house to get away from the memories in the walls, and more.
Yet, the count of pain grows - request to divorce in Oct, Jan, and now again. Icing is always fattening - this time it was the need for a fast divorce so we can move on. We are looking at houses, and the depression really hits hard...I'm trying to build a dream with a marriage that seems doomed to fail.
Five times, small incidents push me over the edge of internal frustration, resulting in small outbursts for which I apologized and she accepted as "why are you apologizing, you controlled yourself well".
Outbursts over what? I went into a showhome & came back to my girls playing in the "trunk" of the mini-van because she decided she didn't want to deal with them (her words). I bought food for us and a drink to share, but she let the kids eat & drink it all when I was talking to an old friend we ran into for 5 min. Samll things that show personality issues, but a real highlighter for my depessed state.
