If you are 100% sure, present her the facts as you know them. Expect her to deny whatever you present, no matter how damning they are.
Then you have one of two paths - attempt to reconcile or separate. If she agrees to try to restore the marriage, tell her what you need to ensure that the effort is not a waste of time. Namely, dropping the EA (and all contact) and respecting boundaries and transparency. She will probably continue to adamantly deny an EA. Fine, then transparency should not be an issue for her.
If she does not agree to the boundaries, then tell her you can't exist in your current state and she will need to find her own place.
I imagine there will be a lot of emotion on her side, so you have to be prepared for it and ensure you are calm and businesslike, and not raising your voice to her.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
You're right, she does continue to deny things. Her question this morning about if I checked her phone is further proof. I have looked at it on occasion and there is nothing there that is damning evidence, just the quantity of communication and times of it that suggest it can't all be school business.
She keeps saying how she can't get over the Hooter's receipt. I told her it was someone giving me her phone#. I'm sure she will say she was going to work on things if it wasn't for that. BS. If that got her thinking, good. If she's going to use that for proof that I'm cheating with everything that she has done, that's fine too. I'm done. I will not and haven't raised my voice and remain calm. If she decides to move out, I may lose my resolve, but only here and not in front of her. She has to want to stay and I can't make her, I know this now. I have made clear that I don't want to live in the past and want to move forward and make things better than before and not just the same.
W called me at work, crying, said she hasn't slept for two nights and we never really got anything resolved. I simply said, you know where I stand. It is your choice. Either decision you make, I will support 100%. I will help you pack or help us heal but it is up to you. I'm pretty busy right now so I will see you tonight.
Have been told to expect this and it is happening just the way you guys said it would. I hope her decision is the same as mine.
Trying to hang in there. Like I said, expecting the worst, hoping for the best.
Hang in there IDU. It sounds like you're communicating very clearly and you're not making it convenient to for her to be a WAW. I'll bet that your strong but calm stance is earning her respect.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I'm trying to stay strong and the prayers help! To tell you the truth, I'm not really that anxious right now. Hope to keep it that way. Not time to back down now!!!!!!!
Had a good night with the kids outside enjoying the great weather. No R talk. She came and gave me a kiss good-night. Not reading anything into that.
This morning, after getting the kids on the bus, she told me her itenerary for the week with different things and said she would be home by the time I got home, I wouldn't even notice she was gone. I told her thanks for keeping me filled in and again got a kiss good-bye.
Things seem a little more relaxed. Should I push her for an answer or watch her actions for a while? I am not backing down but don't want to push when I should wait and see. I know I've waited for a while, but this is the first time that I told her how I could or could not live like. I'm sure it surprised her and caught her off guard. Is she stalling or thinking or what...?
