Luv- glad you had an ok day. It sounds like you're keeping your spirits up as much as possible. It must feel surreal to do "family" things right now- I know it is for me. Not much to add tonight but stay strong- I'm following along with ya.
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
Thanks Juno..I'm hanging but it's hard. I feel so betrayed and it's damn hard not to take this so personal.
H left this morning to airport is gone for 4 days so I have to get busy. He doesn't even kiss the kids goodbye when he leaves - what kind of father does that?
He took his car to the airport (he doesn't like to leave his car there) and will come back Thurs morning to go straight to work from there (which he's never done) - remember guys I'm journaling here.
I dread Thursday.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
He doesn't even kiss the kids goodbye when he leaves - what kind of father does that?
That might be a product of his own upbringing.
He's probably hurt, too, although being a jack about it instead of changing, which might make him want to run away from the trips and the stress of what he caused. Don't you wish you could grab him by the arms, drag him to his room for a timeout and then have him become the man he could be??! If it were so easy, I think I'd do that to myself!
((luv)) My H went through phases of not kissing our girls and some days not even interacting with them unless I made a point to tell him to tuck them in at night. It is heartbreaking to see. He now tells me that he has missed so much over the last couple of years. I am glad he finally woke up.
luv, have you tried making a list of things you want/need to do and see if you can start crossing them off. It gives you a purpose, it gives you satisfaction and as a side effect helps with detaching a bit. Even if things include 'sit out back and read a book', 'clean the counter tops', feed the ducks at the park...whatever.
The more you think about this stuff the harder it is. I'm trying to do this myself, the book I'm reading has some good tips but it stresses the point that you can't play victim for too long...not good. Take some control, even a little bit and do things. Yes, I know it's harder to do in practice but you can do it!
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
H got up before anyone and made coffee. He put my cup out with the cream too (hasn't done that in months) I said, "did you put this out here? thanks." We went church and the message was "this is not the end" as in whatever is going on in your life - the pastor mentioned marriage - I was like like jeez!
We went to brunch and while waiting he says lets go to the bar. He orders me a champagne and then he cheers "happy easter." We had a civil time. He did eventually make a rude comment about how I cause him stress.
At home he goes to check his blackberry I said, "busy day at the office on easter sunday huh?" I know LOL but I couldn't help it...I started it. He gets mad and starts talking about how I got nothin on him (that he's not doing anything) starts telling me "you need to move out" and other spew.
I told him not to be threatening me. He said, "you can't sustain this house" I'm not leaving. This is the first time I've ever heard him say he wouldn't leave. I'm not taking him serious in that I do think he has plans to leave.
Well he gets back Thursday (says he's going to the office) but I don't think he's going to work at all.
Anyway....Luv needs to GAL!
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
In retrouvaille, emotions are shared in a controlled way by writing them in a set format.
Is that something that could help? Maybe he wants to say something (nice, that is), but is stuck in a pattern of meanness that he can't shake. One book I read suggested that the worst thing that you can do to a man is make him ashamed (and for a woman, to make her feel isolated). IF that applies here, maybe he is actually ashamed of what he has done, but is afraid to risk apologizing.
I guess I'm thinking aloud, so be careful reading what I write...you know your sitch the best, but why would he not want to leave if the M was over in his eyes and he wants a R with another woman?
Yeah, probably not the best idea, but I'm sorry, this sounds so much like something I would say: "I said, "busy day at the office on easter sunday huh?" I know LOL but I couldn't help it...I started it." that I had to laugh a bt.
For the next 4 days- have fun! Do things you guys wouldn't normally do while H is around- like a girls slumber party (you've got girls, right?) where no men are allowed. Practice having a great time without him, that's what I say.
Weird comment about you leaving- didn't both of you agree a few days ago that HE needed to find another place to live? Possessed, I swear they're all possessed.
I had the crazy hope that yesterday my H would put his ring back on b/c he swears that one of the reasons he took it off was that he had to climb up and down a ladder all day at work and the ring "tore up" his fingers, which now have just healed. But he didn't put it back on. Of course.
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
