how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

i'm feeling pretty blue today and felt that way for most of the weekend. my friends and family kept telling me to smile. i did my best to GAL, i left the house, i did stuff, i exercised, i went and saw the cherry blossoms, spent a lot of time with my family...but none of it could take the hurt away. i could forget for a few seconds at a time, but i would snap right back to thinking about my H and i'm at a point where it physically hurts. my whole life hurts. i know ya'll all know what i'm talking about.

not a word from my H over the weekend. i didn't expect anything and god knows i wanted to send him a text about 8,000 times but i didn't. i will have to email him soon to let him know about the $ he owes me for my taxes this year, and i talked to my dad about him and a L going over the separation agreement, but i'm still not ready to sign it.

my dad and i talked last night...he said that he will ultimately support whatever i feel like i need to do, but that he felt i needed to let go of my H and open myself to loving again. my H is so closed off right now, i am pretty much losing all hope that he will ever want to try and work things out.

prairie girl, in response to your question about how i felt after him leaving this time...i really haven't felt much in terms of anger so far. maybe it will come later, maybe it won't come at all, i don't know. i am sad, i am heartbroken, i am devastated over the idea of the loss of the future plans i had with my H...but i don't feel like this is something that he did to me, i don't feel like a victim, and there just isn't any anger. the only time i got close to being angry was when my family had to help me move. and mostly i was mad that my family was inconvenienced because of something that my H did. i've never been angry that he moved out. just sad.