Question

[awest1217]

Easter was ok...good and bad parts. I looked awesome and was exuding confidence. H showed up at church right as service started. He sat in the back and watched S sing and be in his play. Then right after service I went to send S back to H to say hi and H was already walking out the door. I was fuming so on the way to my parents I called H and asked why he did that. He said because I thought you wouldn't want to see me. I said I don't want to see you, but S would love to see his dad.

I went over to my parents and then H texts me to ask if S and I would go to his parents house. I said ok and when I was coming home to get clothes for S to change into I see H driving in the opposite direction. I call and ask what is up and he said he had gone my house to see us before we went to his parents. He gave me a dozen roses and S a remote controlled car. He asked if I was ok with that because he didn't want me thinking I was trying to buy his love. I said I am fine with it.

Everything was ok at his parents until later and they always overrule me with S and my FIL always bugs S because S likes to wear his neck tie on Sundays and not take it off. Yesterday S was in his Easter suit and didn't want to take it off so FIL kept bothering him and H didn't step up although I knew FIL would do that. Also at dinner I said no jello until S ate some meat and MIL put the jello right in front of S and asked him what kind he wanted. Once again nothing from H.

We came back home and had a good talk that led no where and today I am feeling confused and sad because it opened up a place in my heart I was hiding away. H is staying at his parents, and on the weekends is not there because he goes to Indy for rehab. He says he has done this the last two weekends. I asked why he was going and he said because I always said he needed help and both myself and my brother said we think he is addicted to these relationships. I asked what he has learned or what they are encouraging him to do and he said he wasn't really learning anything. Stupidly I asked him if he wanted to stay over because it was late when we were talking, and he said no. I am glad, but at the same time I was putting some hope out there that maybe. I feel he is just doing the rehab to say he tried everything because he even said he wants to make sure he tries everything. He says he has never had any self-esteem and needs to build that. A lot was said, but really nothing new. He did say he was sorry for not backing me up with S because he needs to stand up to his parents. I said thank you for saying that.

Right now I feel like I really need to let H know where I am at, and really tell him what he can do to stop it. I know going to rehab is huge and very good for him, but it does nothing for us. I need action on us. The taxes should be done early this week so once they are...I will know if I can financially file. I just want to be fair to H and not have him think that it isn't coming because it is. I need him to make some action towards us. Going to rehab is great, but he says he doesn't really know what he is going for and tells people he doesn't blame me because his actions caused me to be controlling and snoop. He started the other girls before I started to ever snoop and never would have thought to do that because I was very trusting. I think I just want to tell him that I need him to do something for us whether it is setting out a plan, asking me out on dates, getting a schedule for S, doing MC, actually writing me something to tell me how he feels about us and if he wants to be together, something. Yesterday he said something about buying an artificial tree for Christmas because he found a perfect tree scented candle and I said no artificial because I like the smell, but it was planning ahead like we would be together in December. I guess it is nice, but at the same time we aren't together and I can't plan a month in advance because I never know what will be happening with us. Anyway although still on the D train a little confused today (little valley)

S is sick again. He woke up with a fever and crusty eyes so off to the doctor again. I think it is his allergies/teething (two year old molars) and maybe pink eye. S didn't sleep well and I had to sleep sitting up so S would be propped up and be able to breathe so I am exhausted.

Oh well joys of being a parent. My mom is coming over in a bit to help me put new screen on the porch because my screen broke, and possibly do some other yard work. Then off to the doctor's with S. H is coming. Otherwise that is it for today...

Advice on how to handle H would be great. Should I say something to him today or just give him a letter, e-mail?