H4L, You did well--You should be so proud of yourself.
You have a lot of regrets and sadness--perfectly understandable. Here is the thing. Your relationship NEEDS you to get yourself together. Your H CANNOT DO IT!!! You need to detach and GET STRONG.
He needs to see STRENGTH from you. That YOU will keep your sh** together and GET YOU BOTH ON TRACK. He is looking for that and ANGRY when you won't provide those boundaries he needs.
You have a 5 year old. He tests your boundaries, right? Children love boundaries. It gives them COMFORT when you are strong. If you are a weak parent, the kid goes out of control LOOKING for you to STOP THEM. And they always do test you. Always.
Your H is absolutely no different. He is LOOKING for you to KEEP your boundaries. He will be attracted to a strong, confident person that isn't afraid of doing the work--let that person be you!
Here is a script for when he is angry you hung up on him. "Sorry H, but I am going to have to continue each time you get (angry, start cursing, what you decide in your mind is unreasonable). I hope you choose not to do those things, but I understand if you do.
It's a choice HE makes ultimately. Just like what you tell your son--honey, you made a choice here. I'm sorry but now you need a (time out, whatever). It's painful to do it to kids, too, but they need it right? Detach and see that you are doing ultimately the right thing!
