Well, Easter is a day that now lives in infamy in my family. My FIL and I started off by taking the one hour drive down to see OWH. He was floored. Didn't know what hit him. I advised him to take 48 hours to let it sink in before reacting and gave him one of my DR books. (I keep several as I've handed them out frequently over the years) He's on board, just needs to get over the shock... come to find out he went to a St. Patty's day party with OW/his W and caught her making out with another man in the basement. And oh, yes, all those times she asked about us owning two houses? Well, it turns out OW and OWH are moving and taking a roommate to help pay off some of the enormous debt they have. Someone's looking for a meal ticket. Will have to use that factoid that we have no money when I expose to her...
I then proceeded to tell H's best friend his whole life, and he is totally on my side, will NOT support the A.
I tried contacting our best man, but he didn't want to see me, so I emailed him. At that point, contact had been made and DH would have been told, so I felt I had to finish what I started. Either way it would have been bad, so at least I got out what I needed to get out. I also emailed best man's friend, another in our circle. Those two may not see my side, but at least they've heard it. I did let them know that if H and I work it out, I want to have no hard feelings between us all and all I'm asking is that they do not accept or facilitate the infidelity.
Then I spent Easter with the kids and his mom having a nice time. H was moody, knew there was something going on because MIL and FIL and I kept disappearing to the "store" - once to buy kids candy, once to get a new lock put on the apt (let's see them try to get in tonight), once to buy dinner... but he was so suspicious because, as you know, cheaters think everyone is dishonest... anyway, that was the day/evening.
Of course, I had promised H we'd have a talk last night, so all I did was get ready for bed, wait for us to be ready to sleep, and I said to H "I have four sentences. I know about your infidelity. It's hurting me, the kids and your family. I want you to stop it immediately. I want to work on our M."
Then I turned to go to sleep. He asked "that's it?" and I said yes, (as an "afterthought" added) but I just don't know what you see in a woman who is cheating on her H with two men. I heard the silence and started to go back to sleep. About 5 minutes later I heard, "OK, explain that last part." So, I said "well, she's cheating on her H with you and (name inserted). You forgot that you left me along for some time at your high school reunion to hang with her and I met some people there. I know what's been going on in OW's life also." Now, I know he knows about this other man, but she lied to him and told him that he kissed her and it was a mistake and she told him to back off. What really happened from what I was told by OWH was that he caught her in full blown make out session with this man. In any case, dog was asking to be let out and so I let him out and came back to the bedroom and DH went on the attack. He said I want you to explain your evidence for what you said. I asked "all of it?" and he said yes, and I said "I don't think I feel that it's my responsibility to explain anything. You know what the truth is." This made him very, very angry. I think he was fishing for more info on what and how I knew about the other man I just introduced into the conversation moments before. I wasn't going to play into his button pushing. So, he said (in an angry tone) "you think there's still something in this M to save?" to which I replied "oh, yes" and then he said (still angry) "I promised to go to this marriage seminar and after I learn to communicate (sarcastic) maybe then I can tell you what's been going on and we can see if there's something to save." I said OK and finally just went to sleep. Totally unwilling to engage him in any argument.
The bomb I laid down clearly affected my H as he seemed to get no sleep last night. I slept like a rock.
I did not call OW yet as I promised OWH I would not do it on Easter as she was with his 96 year old grandmother at his family's house and he was worried how it would affect her. I agreed, but plan on calling today. I do plan to use what I found out from her H to let her know that we're filing bankruptcy, and the houses are in my name, DH has no money and this is not his first A. I have created a small crack in the foundation and now I see it and am going to work at that crack until they're fighting and/or separated entirely.
