Hope- I'm so sorry I missed your msg on the alt Friday- please see my msg back to you and feel free to call anytime- I truly mean it. If you need a lifeline or just someone to call so you don't call H, please ring.
I have been following along all weekend and am hurting for you. I can't imagine what you're feeling. Your last post really struck me b/c I can so relate to it- that desperation and "It is so hard to let go knowing and believing that if he were willing we could overcome all these things. " I feel that too, though I'm not in the exact spot you are. It is so sad and such a waste for them to just turn away and give up. I have been working on (or trying to) asking myself "do I want him? what about all the times he didn't give me what I needed, etc.?" just to keep myself in balance a little more and remind myself that I tried my butt off and there's only going to be so much I'm willing to do one-sided, as hard as that will be to face.
I'm proud of how you took care of you and S this weekend, even though you were both ill, even. And how you checked the urge to call H- right now he will not give you what you want and need. I think it will get a tiny bit easier not to call each day, but you'll have to wade through that, I'm not going to lie and say there's some easy way around it.
Please see IC if you can- I hope s/he is a good one. And know that you are doing your best that you can in this given moment no matter what you're doing.
I wish you sleep tonight--
J
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
