Well you didn't find it seven months ago, but you found it now:)
I do not read posts as well as the others, but maybe you should read the book Co-dependent No More.
Don't worry about him not talking to you, they don't.
Laying down probably isn't the way to go. I did and caved to the tantrums, before I knew it was tantrums was what they do. Did a lot of caving to save a marriage, you have the chance.
No one's filed, I see you having an opportunity for a couple 180's especially putting your foot down on the violence part.
But don't lay a boundary without being able to back it up, made that mistake too.
Get knee deep in those resources, then you know the why, then you work on the YOU!
And that's no easy task, it hurts it really does and everyone will be here to help you out.
Unfortunately and this post stands out when I first got here, WE are in this together, but we have to get through it Alone.
Read Snodderly's posts, she has a lot of insight, too.
HB too!
Sorry you're here, but you're here and I'm just starting the journey I didn't ask for, but on the MLC side of things, the first thing we need to do is get our self esteem back and that's not the easiest to do, take it a second by second if you have to.
It does take awhile to absorb everything, read other threads and when something comes up post it, like the movie field of dreams, if you post it they will come.
