Reconstructing Bart

[ClingingToHope]

C-Bart. My mom remarried twice after she divorced my dad. She also got engaged another time and had two long-term live-in boyfriends. I didn't think much of it then, but now I look at her a lot differently.

In regards to your kids. I don't think you can stop her from dragging them to some functions. But remembering how it was for me -- having to occasionally spend time with the families of OM's 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 was nothing but a bother. I can't ever remember really enjoying it. It never made me feel like they were "family." There was never another "dad" even if mine eventually faded away because of my mom.

I also, without saying so in so many words, made it known that I didn't want to go to these things and eventually I stopped being dragged or asked.

I guess what I'm saying is she can drag them to these things, but it's only going to hurt her in their eyes.

BTW, I can't believe your case isn't done yet. I have my first mediation session Wednesday and I got back from Florida with the girls to find W's lawyers interrogatories.

Oh joy.

[dwinter82]

C-Bart, I agree, I think it is completely inappropriate but at the end of the day what can we do. I would be interested to hear how your kids did.

We had our traditional egg hunt at the house. This was after I had a conversation with the EX and explained to her I did not think it was appropriate to have the OM play the role as a father during special days like Easter, at least yet. Suprisingly, she agreed.

[C-Bart]

Been in DC this week for business. Been making the trek to the capital in the evening to check out the attractions. Its been a wonderful trip so far. Looking forward to going home on Friday. Plan on taking the kids to 6 flags on Saturday.

Found out OM was watching kids last night while W was at work. Not happy about it but there really is nothing I can do. At first I was going to say something but I've decided to let it go. In general my thoughts about W have gone from anger to sadness for her. I'm seeing her through different eyes than before. Still going to keep conversations at a minimum. I talked to her a couple of days ago and she is struggling. Funny I thought she was happy with OM. Not sure why she is calling me.

Strangely I've heard nothing from W's L. Maybe they are going to wait until the last minute again. I'm not going to worry about it.

Other than that I'm doing well.

[ClingingToHope]

One thing I've been warned about CBart is that we should never allow OMs to babysit daughters. My sister was raped by my mom's fiance. This was potential husband three. If I remember right, she was babysitting his kids. Mom came home to our house and he went home and was drunk and, well ... That ended that relationship.

Unfortunately, that happens far too often. So I'd at least discuss this with your L.

If my W ever finds someone whose willing to put up with her issues long term, I'm going to have it in the divorce settlement that no boyfriends or even fiancees are allowed to be home alone with my girls for any extended period of time.

I'm pretty sure she'll agree, but then I'll have to follow up.

[C-Bart]

For some reason that doesn't make me feel any better.

I'm really down today. Got another letter from W's L and he is accusing me of causing all the communication issues with the D. Basically saying if I can't get over the fact that the M is over we they will have to take me to court.

My life suck when my W is in it. I cringe and I'm excited when the phone rings. She called me again this morning to vent about how bad her past few days were and how stressed she was. I talked to her this eve and asked her why she called me. She gave me a song and dance about our kids and I should know what was going on. I probably said to much but its not fair for her to call me like that. It hurts to know I'm being used just to calm her down. Why doesn't she call OM?

Hurting today but I'll make it through. Good days and bad. The bad days are when I talk to her the good days are when I don't.

[dwinter82]

C-Bart,

In my parenting plan there is a line item that the kids can not be left alone with a third party for one year. I do not want to make things worse for you but IMO this is something that should be discussed with the W. How would she feel if you left the kids alone with some woman you just met?

[C-Bart]

I'll talk to my L about it but I'm not sure I can do anything about it.

Guys don't get me wrong. I do appreciate your concern. I'm concerned as well, but I'm stuck here. Next time I travel I will leave the kids with the Nanny. I thought I was doing the right things. Never underestimate the ability of my W to make bad decisions. Did I mention the guy had a restraining order on him from his STBXW. Also he has very limited custody of his own kids. Free access to mine though. I'm going to puke.

[mermaid]

C-Bart
I understand a lot of what you are going through. I went out of my mind when my xh introduced his ow to my kids. They would go out and have fun together and she would do their hair. I hated her touching my kids hair. Now three years later (yes he is still with her) but my girls complain about their dad not spending enough time with them they don't even mention ow. She does not even rate in their minds. It is not that they do not like her but they need one on one time with their dad. He does not get it.

You are right you cannot do much about om. Just be there for your kids. I know it is hard but do what is best for your children. Don't make this about revenge on your w. Live your life with honour and dignity. You need to be the sane one and be the foundation for your children.

[C-Bart]

Thanks Mermaid. I'm feeling a bit better today. Packing to go home helps! Miss my kids something terrible. Looking forward to spending the weekend with them.

As for being the only sane one, I'm working on that. Need to stop trying to fix this sitch or "help" W. Think it is time that I throw in the towel on this M.

[MHL]

C-Bart,
Understand, missing your kids terribly. My kids are at my Mom's for 5 days and while it is a break for me, I still miss them because they are 6 hours away and for some weird reason don't know what to do with the extra time.