Starving...I feel bad. I am sorry you just want encouragement and it seems like we are all saying the wrong things. I re-read your first post, and you said you want advice on how to get through the phase one part of this journey...ie: how to stay focused on yourself and not break down and freak out on him.
I think the reason most of us have a hard time giving advice with that is because most of us have been through it too, and its really REALLY hard. Its a very personal journey to go through...to not feel rejected, to stay chipper, to GAL, all the while your body is screaming "I just want to be intimately closer to you and you don't seem to even notice me! URGH!!" I have struggled with that on and off in my current marriage, and nothing really helped me in the long term. I have a huge sex drive and when I go without sex with him for too long (which varies for each HD person, for me it is a week or more) I get edgy, pissy, and then finally I end up acting out in ways that get me even further from my goal. I've tried exercising, which can help for a short time, but is only a temporary distraction. I've tried meditation, reading, other GAL stuff...again its only a distraction.
The only thing that truly helped was having direct, honest and loving conversations with him....over and over and over....until finally we hit some kind of breakthrough and he is now on board with making sure I'm getting enough sex. He is not LD but much lower D than mine, so he just doesn't get that feeling of edgy-ness when we go for a week or two without it. So he would "forget" that I was on edge after a while. I'd remind him, but he'd forget again. Finally I had to remind him over and over so many times in succession (over a period of 2-3 months) that he "got it". I also had to tell him some things I didn't want to say, such as, when we don't have sex for a week or two I start to notice other people. When we are having plenty of sex, I don't notice people at all. But when we aren't, I start to. I also had to say things like "its not good for our marriage for you to let me go around thinking you don't want me as often as I want you". These weren't threats, they were said in loving conversation, but of course, he didn't like hearing them. However, it did sink in and he realized that he can't let me "suffer" without as much sex as I need, because it truly does feel like suffering to me. I finally got him to understand that.
Anyway...this is not answers or advice really. Its just me sharing with you that I know how yucky it feels and I've had to come a long way to get where we are with frequency. We've been together for 6 years now and finally I am getting sex 2-3 times per week consistently, which is what I've always needed. When I was in the space you are in, where I was feeling let down and frustrated and edgy and yucky about it, there really wasn't anything that helped me cool down. I tried everything I could think of, channeling my sexual energy into other outlets, but it never helped long term. So that's why I'm sharing with you the only thing that worked for me: direct discussion with him and getting him to understand what I need.
The love you have for your husband is inspiring and I feel it through your posts. I hope you do find encouragement by at least being able to have a forum to discuss these issues. I'm sorry we haven't been more encouraging before now. :0(
