Is this piecing?

[flowmom]

H4L, when I was working on detaching, and trying to follow the steps in the article, I identified a number of irrational beliefs that I had about my M. One belief was that if I love H enough, he'll love me back. This is a child-like belief that probably has its roots in not getting the love that I needed from my parents. But our attachment needs are so strong that the pull to get them met is incredibly powerful.

I hope that you can take a good look at your M and see that this situation wasn't caused by some failure to DB properly on your part. Your H is not happy and you can't make him happy. He has screwed up in a huge way and probably has to manage his life around not facing the shame of his own actions.

Byron Katie talks about "my business, your business, and God's business". Figure out what's your business and do your best to focus on that.

sending hugs your way...