Messed up

[jt2007]

Thanks Cat,

There are truths that I do need to face.
Things I need to change about myself for my own feeling good about me\
The one thing I have already done for me was to lose weight this past year. It has made me feel so much better Like I can do more for me and my children.

I was 280 now im down to 130. H was big also and lost weight with me..this was something we did together..It was suppose to make our life better. I think it helped push him into the MLC, and rebeling against our marraige.

I am hoping that in making some extra changes that he can see will bring him around to thinking more about what he is doing and done.

If he continues to act out against me then I need to just let it go.
Let him be with OW and find whatever it is that he needs on his own, even if its not me.

It kind of makes me upset that he would treat someone else differently than he would treat me. I bet if I was mean and ugly to him then he would be totaly different with me..

The OW is loud mouth and bars around and is a teacher and of all things a little older than him. Just totaly opposite of me.

I was an executive secretary for a large famous company (that is who I was when I met him)I let that go so I could be at home and start the family he and I always wanted.
He had potential but had no idea he had it. I built up and encouraged his career for "us", I put alot of effort into his career for him.

I cant believe I have tried to be the "good wife" and he has total disrespect for that. In the begining it wasnt like that..this past few years it has been.

On another note*
I had a nice day with the children today. I went back to the house and H and I didnt talk about anything...we barely said three words to eachother. It wasnt an angry thing but it was like there was dead air between us.

I did overhear him talking to his real mother and he said something about me saying I loved him (i said that several weeks ago and havnt said it since)..and then I didnt hear the rest, wished I could have though.

I think I just want to know whats going through his mind...but he wont talk to me about it at all.
I am trying not to draw conclusions about anything.

In fact he wont talk about anything at all..unless he feels like he doesnt feel well (he is a diabetic) or its something about his work. He never asks about me or how I am doing, unless its about $$.

Maybe im trying to nurse a dead horse...not sure...still trying to figure it out...and figure out how to act towards it.