What you are seeing now is true love, not the nonsense romance you see in movies or weddings... actual WORK being done... It's an amazing thing to watch... and very hard to do on an emotional level.. every fibre of your being says "get out of there" but you fight anyways...
Dinner went pretty good. Her family (besides her father) has no idea as to the trouble our M is in so to them we are happy newlyweds. They asked us things like "how is the house coming along" "when you guys going on vacation again" things like that. We got along pretty good, laughing joking and collaborating on telling her family stories.
only up until the way home she got herself saying "we" immediately changed it to "you" and threw a few jabs at me implying she was leaving.
Earlier in the day my W told me her father told her how happy he was that I stopped at the hospital and called him after. When we left this evening he had said "I love you guys" to the both of us.
There was no mention of the flowers or card I had left there at the hospital
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Just keep doin what you're doin... I think its your best chance OIN.... Just because he hasn't mentioned it didn't mean he didn't see them... You have to extend some trust in the process I'm afraid... and that's the most agonizing part of all of this...
You can always find ways to knock that OM off your wife. I discussed it in another thread.
Like if you could prove that the OM viewed the wife as just a piece of ass. This one could be hard to prove, but if he posted any conquests or pictures of your wife on the internet.
Another tactic that worked, and it wasn't to knock the OM off, but it usually did. If the OM has a wife or GF, you get your conclusive information to the wife or GF. You are not trying to pour salt on her relationship, more or less prevent one less fool from being out there. The side effect is that the Wife or GF will usually pour enough hell into the OM where the relationship is put in serious jeopardy.
If the OM and Wife work at the same job, they may be violating workplace ethics. The HR and the Boss off the OM would get the conclusive information and someone will be reprimanded.
Some state and department agencies don't want affairs as part of their image, so they will attack it if they see it going on.
I heard the FBI won't mind helping out someone if their wife is cheating on them with someone who is a member of another agency. The reason is, if they are doing this, they are probably getting in some sort of trouble.
Keep doing what your doing. You may knock that OM off your wife though, because as long as she spends that private fantasy with him, any defence or strengthening of yourself will be unfairly dismissed.
Its hard. I hope it all works out for you.
In my situation "they" convinced my wife that every nice guesture, every gift, every kind remark, every thing nice I did for her was a manipulation.... They manipulated her into thinking like them.
So just like you I'm going to end up doing a ton of work without expecting reciprocation, and thats just how its going to be. I have no idea why she wants to be this way.
I find your last remark very interesting...I no doubt agree. I havent heard so much but I know W and her friends/family well enough to be able to do some unhealthy mind reading.
Once the WAS has justified whatever they need to to involve OM, the LBS is severely disadvantaged and already demonized...thus ANY action is judged negatively...the positives are manipulations, the negative- justifications.
Terrible spot to be...as Robx would say- there are plenty of fish in the sea...sadly I am starting to realize this.
I have become more spiritual as a result of my sitch, W has become less so...I believe in M, W not so much...
My point is that OIN- as long as you're bettering yourself and setting a good example- "eff her"...the table is slanted and that's the way it is...doesnt make it impossible- just highly difficult.
I vaguely recall OM suggesting that she was possibly "talking to someone else..."- thats exactly what happened in my sitch...better yourself for you and someone (W or someone else) will benefit.
I just told a friend to eff off b/c she tells me the same shirt...none of us will give up until we're ready...be proud OIN
Just spoke with my friend, he said according to OM my wife has backed off...my friend has confirmed that OM did switch his days so he and my W are not as often.
My friend tells me that the female co-worker my W talks to who cheats on her husband told my friend the following
Female "how is the situation going?"
Friend "I don't know I don't talk to anyone about it anymore because his W thinks I go back and tell him"
Female " yeah she said that, she can't talk to OM cause your watching. You know I thought she was like me... Married to a cop who beats her and treats her terrible but I am beginning to realize she is not telling the truth about things...I believe you more than I do her at this poibt"
As for today my W went to work then went to the hospital where I unexpected made an appearance with some flowers. We left together, get homee then W sleeps the whol day and then I left for work...
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
I know they may not mention the flowers, but you gotta trust that they have impact... your wife is angry, saying thank you or acknowledging any good thing you do is NOT easy for her right now. No matter how much you impress her she's gonna ignore it.
If you want to see this sort of thing in action just rent the film Fireproof. It's a christian film, but you can ignore that part if you aren't christian... its still worth watching.. the acting aint' that great, but as a d-busting instructional tool its A+ stuff. Do NOT show it to your wife.
As your wife talks on and on and can't show a bruise or anything they will start to doubt her stories...
If it woudln' backfire on you, you could always have flowers sent to her workplace for her.. women love being persued publically like that... its flattering to them.
But she will likley be angry right now over it, so save that until you think it will hit home.
Don't worry much about what people at her work have to say... most of them just mind their own business anyhow...
It sounds like people are already starting to doubt her.
Like if you could prove that the OM viewed the wife as just a piece of ass. This one could be hard to prove, but if he posted any conquests or pictures of your wife on the internet.
In my case this worked HUGE - OM W sent me a text from OM stating he wanted to work it out with his W and that my W and ANOTHER woman meant nothing to him...which i showed my W.
My W = piece of ass to him (talk about a fog clearer)
but anywho OIN - sounds like you are doing well, keep at it.
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
Yes OIN, if you could get that it would help, but it sounds like OM is backing off anyhow. It would be nice to burst that bubble to your wife so she doen'st keep thinking he was some great friend, but I don't know how much you can get on that end.... your wife doens't realized you just saved her from making a huge mistake...
D-busting is a thankless enterprise until you finish... thankless
