The countdown continues

[FindingMyVoice]

(((Awoken))) I wish I knew enough about lawyers and legal things to have a great answer for your question that would give you a lift; but all I can say is that I'm thinking of you and I'm so sorry it's been such an awful day for you.

[luvless]

(((awoken)))))

just stopping by letting you know I'm thinking of you......

[rr22]

I don't know if you should do it on the phone or not either. You may want to wait to calm down. That said, you don't owe it to her to do it in person. Think about what's best for the kids and try to wait to calm down and sleep a bit. Sorry you are going through this. No one deserves this.

[givingitmyall]

I agree. Wait 48 hours. I think if you decide to confront her, it should be face to face.

[Gardener]

Awoken,
Sorry about where you are right now. I agree with gima. face-to-face. 48 hours.
And don't say what you cannot do, tell her what you've decided you WILL not do.
I've been away for few days. Sorry you're still going through a hard time and that your gig was less than a positive time for you.
Will catch up more, later.

Good thoughts and prayers, friend.

[Awoken]

Well friends,

I went ahead and called her; confronted her. I just couldn't wait it out. I found more information confirming that her recent trip to colorado to visit her "aunt" was actually to a ski resort, paid for by the other man.

I asked first if she time to talk; she said she did and moved to a private room.

I asked if she had spoken with her lawyer, and what the status of the their response to our offer was. W said she met with her lawyer on Wednesday, and doesn't know what their response is??!?!

I told her that I had decided that I could no longer share the house with her while she was having sex with other men.

She wanted to know "where is all this coming from". I didn't want to give away my sources, or when I discovered it. I told her that I couldn't continue with the charade anymore and that her actions had been transparent and that I knew more than she imagined. She pressed me for more. I very slowly gave out more details of what I knew. I revealed that I knew his name. She tried to say they were just friends, and I told her that I wouldn't be lied to anymore.

She sounded stunned that I knew so much. She revealed more, assuming I already knew. OM is in the middle of a divorce himself(imagine that). I looked up the divorce filing and got his wife's name. I haven't decided weather I should contact her or not. W said that OM's wife knows her. It seemed odd that she would mention this, and I'm guessing she is hoping I won't contact the OM's wife.

I got her to agree to call her lawyer in the morning and get the ball rolling. If I'm lucky, I can get her to move out with a week or two of her return to town. Even with this, I still feel devastated.

Gima;Gardener; you may be right that a face to face might have been better, but I would've had to wait another 6 days. I just need her out of the house.

I'm listening, and I knew I might have misstepped.

[givingitmyall]

Awoken,

No criticism from me. It's your situation and you have to be the one to make the decisions. If it was the right thing for you, then it's the right call.

On informing OM's W, I believe she has a right to know. If you were in her position, wouldn't you want to know?

But, it's your decision.

Hang in there. You are doing the right thing. Keep reclaiming your strength, dignity and confidence.

[flowmom]

Oh Awoken, six days is a long time to sit on that info. It sounds like the conversation actually went pretty well in that you kept your cool. I guess you can use the possibility of exposing to OMW as leverage to speed up her moving out and the D? I'm assuming that making threats like that doesn't come naturally to you, but you're in a horrible situation and she is not leaving you many options.

Can you work on self care today? Do some things that feel good? (((Awoken)))

[Awoken]

thanks flowmom and gima;

Yesterday I got a refill of my sleeping pills that I haven't used since December. It's strange to need them again.

I taught classes today, and a few students. I did my best, but unfortunately everyone picked up that I wasn't myself. I put on my best smile.

After a lot more thought, I realize there is more to this than I've thought through. A month or so ago, D17 found some papers infront of her computer that W had left there by accident. She had written notes about "to Seattle 2011", and it prompted D17 at that time to ask me if I thought she would try to move seattle by herself. At the time I didn't think she would ever leave the kids until they got out of highschool, and 2011 seemed like an odd year.

Now, I'm pretty sure she has been involved with this OM for quite some time, probably since thanksgiving, but maybe even as far back as last summer. By 2011, my daughter will be in college, and that leaves S14! who hates the local schools. I'm worried that she has plans to take S14! to Seattle.

I spoke with my Lawyer about this concern, and she thinks it's important to get our present 50/50 offer in place as soon as possible.

I spent an hour this afternoon to find the wife of OM. They have a court case pending for divorce, so I was able to look it up and get her name. A little more work and I found her facebook page and her work number and email. I sent her note on facebook asking her to contact me.

Once I get more information from the OM's wife, I'm considering calling one of my inlaws to let them know what's going on, just in case my wife has been lying to them as well. I'm gonna have to think carefully at that.

Thoughts? I appreciate the few of you here so much.
I wish I still had input from Puppy, Sandi, Gucci, Robx, or and of the other experts.

[Awoken]

Well that was interesting, and likely a mistake.

I call OM's W. She was furious that I would call, said she was completely supportive of her husband and my W's relationship. They were all friends. Her divorce was almost finalized. She said she would call her lawyer, the OM's lawyer and my W.

I don't understand these people.