Allow me to offer some input if I could on some of the facebook/maiden name issues. Let them go for a while. Cautious is right on (obviously). They are emotional decisions. I have a WAW who has done the same thing and thankfully I was given advice by some friends not to panic or worry about it. In many ways it's a coping mechanism for the W or XW because they have been hurt by us.
The advice I was given was to let them do it. In my experience (I can't speak for others), it seems to have allowed her to work through some of her emotions, including anger.
gt450, if I may offer a thought here (although Cautious really already did), your XW will speak to you when she is ready and you will find out some things that can still help you with a possible future reconcilitation. You need to be ready to listen to her. I would advise against you offering her suggestions about how she's feeling or thinking.
A few weeks after filing, my wife called me and was ready to talk a little bit, so we did. I pursued a little about a week later for a date and she turned me down. A couple of days later she said she needed space to think. This concerned me at first because we had just had productive talks, but my counselor's advice was that giving her the space she requested knowing the divorce process is underway can allow her to think with a different set of emotions than she had before she filed. Our divorce is still filed, but she is starting to question if it's what she really wants.
