I'm better now. After talking to my atty, (which is really handy when he sits 30 feet away from my desk) I decided to e-mail a proposed separation agreement to stbx by the end of the week. He'll review it before I send it out. If stbx wants to b!tch, he'll have something to b!tch about when he sees this.
Good. Though I still think it would be better coming from a lawyer.
Originally Posted By: SpyBunny
We'll see what he says... I don't want to sound like a greedy, self-entitled WAW that you hear about so often here, but I'm not going to let him screw me anymore. (Literally and figuratively )
Forced-Away Wife. You're an FAW, not a WAW, remember?
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I agree with everyone on the thread, don't respond to that email. To me, it seems to be a thinly veiled attempt at keeping control, note all the "I" references, and his assumptions about you and your actions, etc.
Don't waste your energy on it, and it doesn't appear you are, good for you!
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Hi- I'm still here- just been hibernating a little in the burrow- it's been cold, grey, drizzly and yucky the last few days here.
I've been drafting up a proposed sep agreement, I have one last section to do re: retirement accounts, then I'll send it off to stbxh. StbxH still won't give me a proposed spousal support number, no surprise there, I guess- and I've been hesitant to go first because I'm pretty sure anything I propose will piss him off. That's his modus operandi- react and attack instead of leading. That way he doesn't have to take responsibility for anything, he can just be mad about it.
While I haven't proposed an actual number yet in conversation with him, I did ask him if his atty told him about "income equalization". H: "yes" in a very subdued voice... followed by a long pause. Me, with a somewhat chipper tone: "So I guess I'll start there" H: "OK, just send me something."
There's a huge gap between what I make and what he makes. He's not going to like this at all... I feel guilty even asking for it.
And the image I have of his fantasy world is that I just disappear from his life and he's got minimal financial consequences. Life is just supposed to go on as normal, but without me... He's going to lash out when he wakes up to reality, and I don't want to be in the line of fire when he does. I've had enough of that. I'm thinking I'll give him the proposal after Easter since I have to see him for a couple hour that day.
So that's my rambling for the day, I'll take a look and see what everyone else is up to.
PS- a bright spot- flying off to see my brother in Houston next month right after my birthday. It'll be nice to get out of town for a few days!
I got stbx's separation proposal tonight, and I feel suckered punched. He waited this long, he couldn't wait a couple more days until after easter and my bday this week? I was supposed to see him for a little while tomorrow, because I was invited to his family's easter dinner. The plan was that the kids are having dinner with my family, then I was driving them to his family's for desserts. I had thought I would stick around for a while, now I'm thinking not. I have no desire to see him. Actually I don't feel like seeing anyone, but that's not an option.
I don't understand him. I don't even like him anymore. I feel nothing... NOTHING!! (Apologies to Sgt. Schultz!)
(((((Bunny))))) It's not too surprising... it's what he does.
I was going to say that he probably doesn't even know what he did, but then I decided that he has shown every indication of being a calculating manipulator, so I would not be shocked if he did it on purpose, knowing it would be hard for you.
As far as tomorrow goes, do what works best for you!
Scratch that. I hate him. I f***ng hate him. I hate the decisions he made, I hate the things he did, I hate the things he said, and I hate that he thinks that I'm the one with issues and I hate what's become of our family.
I was prepared to love him forever, be a good, loving, faithful wife and mother who adored her husband. That kinda seems to be what most people are looking for in their marriages. But that wasn't f****ng good enough for him. He had to have a "variety" of g***amn c**ts to f***. I hope those c****s make him happy for the rest of life, because he made sure with those decisions and actions that I won't be there. I don't need this pr!ck of a husband!!! I hate him! @sshole!!
Thank you, I'm sorry, screaming over for the moment...
Anger is understandable Bunny. Vent away, were here!
((((((((((Bunny)))))))))))
It is also part of this process, and your feelings are valid.
You'll get through this, and part of that is accepting your angry so you can the move past it.
To put in perspective, watch the validation you get from people here, and contrast that to what happened with your stbx when you expressed your feelings to him..
Hugs Bunny, hope you find some peace today!
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
The day got much better after the melt-down this morning. I was dreading seeing stbx at the in-laws this afternoon, and it turns out I only had to see him for 15 minutes while I picked up the kids to go to my family's Easter dinner.
I had made arrangements to visit the in-laws for desserts because D17 had expressed a desire to see them. Well, S19 mentioned this morning that he would prefer to skip the second family and be dropped back off at his dorm room tonight instead of in the morning. D17 was fine with skipping the in-laws after hearing that, so yay! I was off the hook for that part of the festivities- I just left the jello salad that I had made with H so he could take it himself for me and send my regrets.
We had a lovely afternoon with my family, I'm just gonna focus on that and cleaning up around here. I'm still plenty mad but I can't do anything about it right now, so I'll deal with it later.
I hope everyone had as happy an easter as possible today!
Hey Bunny, glad your Easter went better than expected!
Quote:
I was dreading...
I feel that most of the time, we do that, and wind up with much more anxiety and pain ahead of time, vs what reality brings us. It's human nature though, so hope you can shrug it off..
Quote:
I'm still plenty mad but I can't do anything about it right now, so I'll deal with it later.
Just my 2 cents on this... Well, I take that back, more like my 1/3 of my 2 cents, I think I had to pay my STBXW the other portion, but I used to do this as well, and I don't think it's good for us. Putting off your feelings for later doesn't help you in the here and now, and silently builds resentment and other crud we don't need.
What we can do, is accept how we feel at a given moment, mindfully, and that helps move through it. I work on this regularly, and it's not easy to be mindful of your current emotions and just allow them to be there...
Hugs, and Happy Easter!
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
)