Thinking of my wife as dead, yeah i'm not there right now and probably wont be for a while. I can however remain upbeat and act as if.
I've given it all to God. It is out of my hands. I know how to act now. I've read about 10 different books, all of them saying the same thing just in a different way. I'm working on myself and taking care of my kids. I want my marriage to work out, and I know I can trust that Gods path for me will be one that I am going to be healthy and happy. I know I will always love my wife and I will always want to take care of her. But I'm what is important right now. I want to be a better person for my two kids.
Dammit I had a good weekend. I took my wife out to dinner and for the first time since we split up I felt like she was actually Talking to me. I felt like she had opened up to me and I have been thanking God for it every moment it pops into my head.
She still thinks that she did nothing wrong by getting involved with OM, but honestly I don't even care about it. I just want us to be together. I'm not vindictive I don't have the ability to hold a grudge against her.
I get all kinds of mixed emotions but now I know what to expect from them and I can step off from it and concentrate on something that will put a smile on my face(like my daughter stealing the neighbors puppy).
One of the things that bothers me is that I can be fine when she is gone. I do think of her but I don't have the heart ache for her, or it isn't as strong. But when she comes over I just want to be near her. I want to touch her and hold her. Kiss her.
Reading and reading. seems like that is all I do.
I went to the school I want to apply for and toured it. I want to go there. It looks like I could learn alot from there and I can develop my skills as an artist and an illustrator. I hope that I'll be able to find a job that will work with schedule. Having the kids is great, but I never imagined what life would be like as a single parent, I wish that my W would help me more with them its almost like she is a glorified babysitter. I'm lucky to have my parents around to take them every once and a while because there are times where i just have to go into my room and close the door.
Read 5 love languages. Was really bummed out about it. But got over it quicker because now I know what to do.
W has been flirting with me more and more. Don't know if it is because OM is out. Yeah she realized he is a huge douche. I wanted to be like I told ya. But i just validated and listened.
Good things good things
Father in heaven thank you for the tiniest of steps forward. Let me continue to trust in you and have faith in your plan for me.
Amen
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
