WAW Using God II

[idontunderstand]

Well stated, Pigskin.

Happy Easter and God Bless!

[25yearsmlc]

I have forgiven my W. I'm not finding it that hard to do, really. Because once we realize that God forgives us over and over and over again, and demands that we do the same, it becomes simpler.

I believe you and I agree with your take on things. I was addressing another poster's comments.

My W IS confused.
....If she can reconcile that with her baptism on Sunday, she has bigger problems than I can help her with.

It will be a very interesting Easter, to say the least. If the OM attends the service, I plan to do nothing out of the ordinary. I will not speak to him; if he has the courage to say a word to me, I will say nothing but "May the Lord be with you and your family".

I pray that God gives you guidance and strength for this coming Easter celebration. And some major "WTH?" points for keeping a straight face....good luck!
j-

[pigskin]

I feel a very warm and calming presence today, and it is wonderful.

Here's how the Easter baptism for my W went:

It was the first service in the morning at her church. I had the kids and had to really scramble with them hunting for their Easter baskets, getting them some breakfast, getting them dressed, and out the door to the church. Made it with about a minute to spare.

As I walked into the outer concourse of the church with the three kids in tow, I saw my W in her baptism robe about 30 yards away. The OM was taking her picture. I felt irritation, but not the heart pounding adrenaline or hair sticking up on the back of my neck. He either caught sight of us out of the corner of his eye or my W said something, as he quietly skulked away like a shamed dog before we got in range of him.

W got baptized and was really emotional. Immediately after a few people from the church and friends formed a little prayer circle with my W, me, and our kids, out in the hallway outside the main church hall. The OM had the audacity to be on the outer edge of the circle. I cannot deny his role in my W's conversion, and without the EA I would have expected him to be there. I just ignored him.

Two people from the church led a couple of prayers; one of whom I know is aware of our situation as my W met with him. He was the one who inspired her to take the baptism step as he himself is a convert who used to be involved in all kinds of evil things. He made sure to mention our family, and especially "husband", asking the Lord to watch over us as "the Devil will be working hard to break this beautiful peace apart". I was glad the OM was there to hear that. My W made the rounds hugging everyone, including the OM, but without any knowledge of the EA, her brief interaction with him at the church would not have raised any eyebrows. She gave him no special attention.

While W was changing out of her wet clothes I spoke to the convert guy and he told me how he spoke to my wife about how she needs to start living a virtuous life after taking this step. He said it was an honor to meet me, so I'm sure he understands how difficult a position I'm in and is proud of how I'm handling it. I may make a point to meet with him one on one; he invited me to.

Me and the kids then went to our Catholic mass and afterwards met my W back at the house where we had some gifts for her. She opened them and then went to the kids and gave them a kiss and a hug, and then to me. She gave me a kiss on the lips and a tender hug.

We went out to eat, came back, and then she took the kids for the day. She asked what my plans were and I told her I was just going to hang out. I would have liked for her to invite me to come along with her and the kids as they were going to go to the park, but I have to really manage my expectations here. Baby steps. She thanked me for all the work I did to get the kids ready so early in the morning. We shared a long hug before she left.

I feel very much at peace and well taken care of by God. I know my wife understands that taking this step and continuing to engage in behavior against God's teachings is hypocrisy. It's just a matter of what she is going to choose to do.

God is reaching her in very unexpected ways. I had always hoped that somehow words from her friends or family would get to her. But God reached her through a formerly evil man who she had no connection with whatsoever. That's why I continue to have hope for my situation. I can not comprehend the ways that God can get to her; He has a lot of tricks up his sleeve that would never occur to me.

We'll see where it goes from here. She has not purged the OM from her life, and that must occur. But there was a very warm feeling with us together as a family, and it felt so right and good, like a ray of light shining down on us. It is clear that this family can and must be fought for in God's eyes.

Today was another step on that mission. My W has a lot of work ahead of her. She may fall right back into the abyss, and I am ready for that, almost expecting it. But I have all the firepower in the universe working on my side, and that is comforting.

May you all have a blessed Easter.

Pigskin

[pigskin]

LOL. Almost as if on cue.

W posted pictures of the event on her FB page. In addition to some random shots and a nice picture of our family together were a shot of OM, and of OM and her posed together. Sent me an email saying "I know you'll be bothered by some of the pictures I posted, but it was important to me to share the whole event".

I'd like to craft a nice reply to that, but when dealing with a depressed person it is like banging up against a brick wall. So I'll probably just let it go. We're separated. She can post whatever she wants.

I'm not bothered by the pictures at all; they are just shots of people who had a hand in her getting to the point of baptism. I AM bothered by her saying "I know you'll be bothered" (but I'm going to do it anyway). Just kind of shows you where she is.

[25yearsmlc]

oh wow, yep, "as if on cue". As I was about to post how much I, too, have hope for your sitch, she pulls a stupid stunt like that facebook thing AND tells you she knows it bothers you... BUT... She wanted to "share the whole event" WTH? ..with whom? Why? Etc...a very silly thing to say. Perhaps
It was her way of compensating him b/c she ignored him in public I FEAR...(I could be wrong.)
Still, in all, I'd say "well done, pigskin, well done." And the pastor is right, evil is still around trying to break up the peace, and if she chooses that, well....c'est la vie. At some point very soon I pray and hope she wonders what the hell it ALL means OR if it simply means more of the same.

We all knew that absent an overt obvious and sudden miracle, we'd have to hope she'd wake up to the truth, in a more realistic time frame, incrementally. I'm still rooting for that. But I also can see why you might want to shake her and scream "WAKE UP AND SMELL THE TEMPTATION & SEE IT FOR WHAT IT IS!!"...


You'll never ever regret handling yourself with so much dignity, I am sure of that. Keep it up, and prepare to start enforcing boundaries in a few weeks or whenver you feel you can handle it. B/C that will be the test for both of you as far as how long you can remain in this limbo stage. Her event today needs to mean change, or it means nothing good....

Take care and we're all sending out positives your way,
j-

[pigskin]

oh wow, yep, "as if on cue". As I was about to post how much I, too, have hope for your sitch, she pulls a stupid stunt like that facebook thing AND tells you she knows it bothers you... BUT... She wanted to "share the whole event" WTH? ..with whom? Why? Etc...a very silly thing to say. Perhaps
It was her way of compensating him b/c she ignored him in public I FEAR...(I could be wrong.)

I had the same thought about "compensation". That she might be worried about what he thought if she posted pictures and omitted the ones with him in them. There are about two dozen pics that she posted with various people and her alone, so the OM pics do not stand out.

I can't imagine he felt very good yesterday, supposedly being a Christian and being an intruder on such a holy family event. Especially given the words he heard in the prayer circle. Who knows what he may be saying to my W behind the scenes.

But I also can see why you might want to shake her and scream "WAKE UP AND SMELL THE TEMPTATION & SEE IT FOR WHAT IT IS!!"...

Yep, I have to fight that, as it does no good. She has to come to that herself.

You'll never ever regret handling yourself with so much dignity, I am sure of that. Keep it up, and prepare to start enforcing boundaries in a few weeks or whenver you feel you can handle it. B/C that will be the test for both of you as far as how long you can remain in this limbo stage. Her event today needs to mean change, or it means nothing good....

Thank you, 25, I do take comfort in that. I have to handle this in a dignified manner and be an example for my kids and others.

I can see how some may feel I'm being played for a patsy, and that I'm a doormat and just letting her spit in my face. I know in my thread I may come off as just a timid man quoting the bible, but I'm really not a bible thumper at all. People who know me personally would look at me like a "tough guy" Clint Eastwood type, as I have posted before. But I have a strong faith, I just don't wear it on my sleeve other than in this forum.

I think the majority of people here do believe in God, regardless of how much they practice their faith. Just look at the example of Jesus. He exhibited EXTREME humility - allowing himself to be ridiculed, whipped, beaten, and nailed to a cross. Can you imagine God Himself, who could have wiped out the entire world with a bat of an eyelash, allowing the creatures He created to treat Him like that? THAT'S the example we're given and told to emulate. Whenever I feel the urge to lash out, I try to remember that.

As far as boundaries, if my W initiates a reconciliation attempt, they will be put in place, and actions such as posting the OM on her Facebook page will not be tolerated. Right now, given we are separated, married only on paper, and not reconciling, I cannot dictate anything as far as regulating my W's decisions. Only those that pertain to family business and the kids that I have direct control over, and we've not had any conflicts in that area.

Every day I have to get up and carry this cross, and endure the pain, knowing that one day I will have my own Easter. But it will be on God's timetable and not mine.

My wife has not filed for divorce, so she is either lazy or conflicted as to whether that is the answer. I'm pretty sure it is the latter, and she won't be getting any message promoting divorce from her new found faith. Now whether she adheres to that or goes her own way is the $64,000 question.

[pigskin]

Wow. Some new info really kicked my butt today:

Today I hear from my oldest that when W took them to the park yesterday, "Mr. OM was there with his kids. Mommy didn't even know they were going to come."

I asked "How do you know? Did mommy tell you to say that?"

"No, I asked her."

So now my W is lying to the kids. And continuing in an adulterous relationship the VERY DAY she was baptized.

Not long after I found this out W called with some random info. I must have sounded perturbed because she asked if I was OK. I said "no".

"What's wrong?"

"We need to talk."

She's coming over later tonight. I wonder if oldest senses something is going on? Why would he ask if she knew Mr. OM was coming? This is 3 times in the last month that he has "randomly" appeared. The park is not unique enough for him to go to, and it is nowhere near where he lives.

I also heard from my MIL that W had asked if she could stop by last month with the OM as they were going to a concert near where MIL lives. MIL is pretty distressed about her daughter; she loves me and really is irritated about the OM. I think my W senses that.

I don't know if this latest news is the straw that broke the camel's back, but it feels like it. It is clear W thinks nothing of adultery. I don't think I can live with a woman like that.

[idontunderstand]

Sorry to hear that, pigskin.

Despite our prayers and hopes, we can't make them what they don't want to. You have been very strong and forgiving and even supportive of you W throughout all of this. You have rightly taken the high road and are setting a great example for your kids.

I don't think you're a patsy or doormat; you are trying the best you know how to hold together the sacrament of marriage while your W seem fine with throwing it away. Continue to pray for guidance and for your family. I remember you and your kids in my own prayers. They all help, I know!

Of course, in the end, only you know how long you can go on like this. She has to admit her failings the same as you have and want to try again. You can't make her. I know you know all of this, but if you're like me, sometimes I need things drilled into my thick skull several times before I see it for myself. You have helped me with that, believe me!

Continue to hope and pray, but accept the things that you cannot change!

Stay strong!

IDU

[MrBond]

pigskin,

sorry to hear your W is still in la la land. I totally understand your frustration. I think your W was like mine. The only way they'd get hit with the Word is if you smacked them on the head with a bible. LOL.

Have you thought of telling the OM to back off? I know that you're leaving it up to your W, but now your kids are getting affected.

[pigskin]

In my frustrated state this afternoon I knelt down and prayed for God to tell me what He wanted me to do.

Then I got up to go call the lawyer who's contact info I obtained, and begin discussions on proceeding with filing for divorce. But another idea popped in my head to go meet with the guy who had inspired my wife to get baptized.

It was a great talk, and he convinced me to hold on. He's not a pastor, but he said the head pastor is aware of the situation with my W and the OM and is intending to do something about it. Especially given the service yesterday.

I told him that the OM was in the prayer circle yesterday, and he said "I wish I had known that. I would have asked him to leave."

They are going to try to get my W to sit down with them and me together. She is all about that church now, so I'm hoping she will listen to them and agree to meet.

As far as telling the OM to back off, I don't think that will have any effect whatsoever, and I don't trust myself to remain civil with him.