WAW in PA-I Moved Out in Error & D has been Filed

[Quart9]

I retrieved the last few things I had at STBXW's apt on Friday. I think I experienced every emotion in about a 3-4 hour time frame while I was there. It shouldn't have taken me that long but she and I spent way too much time talking and going through our stuff. We argued a little (even though I went there with the mindset that I wouldn't) and we shared some harsh words.

She cried a few times while I was there. At one point I hugged her and comforted her and there was a minute that that familiar feeling of "us" showed up. It was like we were still together just standing in the kitchen and I was giving her a shoulder to cry on because of something that had upset her (like I used to).

As she stopped crying I told her that it didn't have to be this way and she just looked at me like she agreed but she didn't say anything. I felt embarrassed and ashamed for letting my guard down and comforting her. Unfortunately, I spent the rest of the time I was there after that acting like a jerk.

While I was there on Friday we also found pictures of us together when we were younger. She kept trying to put some of the pictures in a box that I had going to collect my things. I told her to stop – I didn’t want old pictures of us and she could keep them or throw them away. To me they are nothing but hurtful memories that I don't want to keep reliving. I dunno what her point was with that, but I hope by going through that stuff she realized just how intertwined our lives are - I know I did.

We came across stuff from our wedding too like the ring bearers pillow, napkins, toasting flutes, etc. Jokingly I said we should smash the flutes and she became really eager to do that. I was just kidding as I really didn’t want to but she asked me a couple of times after that if I wanted to smash them. To me that seemed disrespectful of our wedding and the occasion. We only drank out of the things that one time and I didn’t really want the memory of breaking them.

I kept the good-bye short and uneventful and as I was leaving she tried to talk more about the D. I just blew that discussion with her off. She said she would have the attorney she has finish drawing up the paperwork. I didn’t tell her I had already filed – maybe I should have? I went to the sheriff’s office this past Thursday to set it up so that they will serve her in a couple of weeks. I’m sure that will be the next time I talk to her.