Moving on with my life #2

[25yearsmlc]

S2,
I know my last post was harsh sounding. Can you see why I felt it was necessary to view him and his behavior this way, and to remind you of how dangerous he is? I honestly believe someone will die because of him. It's up to you to decide if you or your children will be one of his future victims. Sorry, but I feel I have to warn you of that b/c it's too easy for you to forget when he acts reasonable.

If he got sober, and that's a huge IF, he'd need to be that way a good 2 YEARS before it's worth mentioning, let alone acting on. I say this based on the most personal of experiences.

I would not bother addressing anything other than thanking him MODERATELY (come on, it's not exactly "heroic" to act normal for 2-3 weeks) for his positives, but leave no room for discussion about you two until if and when he gets sober. People in the program don't claim sobriety until that mark has passed, and even then, forever, it's a matter of "alcoholic in recovery" as opposed to being an "active alcoholic"...your h is an active alcoholic.
He cannot be in a real relationship now. He may never be able to.

IF he ever becomes an alcoholic in recovery, then maybe he'll have unsupervised visits. That's it. What is with all this hope for more with HIM?
I just don't get it. Where's the "treasure" on the other side of the high wall?

What reason is there for you to wait around hoping he becomes truly sober (and not briefly visiting it as an "idea" with expectations immediately attached) And enduring this kind of insanity WHILE waiting for sobriety to happen - which may never occur, and assuming that IF he becomes sober it will also mean he becomes a great guy (the two are not necessarily related) AND that he'll want to be m to you again???

Wouldn't it be easier for him to either keep drinking and find someone who doesn't care OR who drinks herself? (YES!!) OR IF he gets sober, wouldn't it be easier for him to start fresh with someone for whom he does not need to make amends? Someone who doesn't know this side of him....??? (YES)

AND BASED on his history, won't he always choose the easiest route?

I don't think this divorced man is someone you should wait around for. The m ended for several reasons. I mean, it's not a m you are trying to save, b/c the m ended some time ago, correct? I have never told anyone but you, to move on this way. But I hope you do.

It IS sad. But there's a sadder possibility than seeing him waste his life and endangering others' ---and that's you letting him drag you and baby down with him....and God knows who else. I mean it when I say, I fear someone will die because of him. Please don't let it be you or yours. I'm sorry to say that, but I feel compelled to say that, maybe even "called" to.

Have a good PEACEFUL Easter please.

j-