Ominus Bonus

[steady]

lol @ deleted posts whiskey. It was funny, because after I saw your reply, the first thing that came to mind was - I wish I had left that post up there to get whiskey's feedback on it. I think it's kind of funny that you mentioned being able to see deleted posts. It always amazes me how when we need the help the most, there's always someone who shows up and gives us exactly what we need.

I was in the shower this morning thinking about it - I was going from, if it was a friend of mine I'd at least send a happy birthday text; did she even acknowledge my bday in Jan; if I don't text does that make me an ass; am I trying to punish her if I don't text; if I do text am I giving her something she doesn't deserve based on her past behavior with me; don't make the decision to illicit some kind of reaction from her; do I choose to still be nice and kind to people who treat me like she has; what does my intuition/gut say (no answer); etc...

I'm not going to even acknowledge her birthday. For no other reason except I really don't feel like it. That was my initial reaction the other day...I felt like I didn't want to.

I just took a philosophy class and one of the things that stuck with me is - treat people as they deserve to be treated. To me this means, don't reward bad behavior, don't overly reward to 'teach' them generosity.

I have to contemplate this statement. For me it's not so much teaching them generosity as deciding to act as I want to act without being a reaction. Me choosing how I wish to be regardless of someone's behavior toward me. But I really need to take a good look at this. I can still act as me but not be overly nice about it.

Sitting here thinking about it a question came up - am I just fooling myself with that? Am I just masking a people pleasing/'I need them to like me' fear inside of rationalizing being an action rather than a reaction? I imagine this is true and is what I'm doing. I can still be an action but treat people as they deserve to be treated - whether that's 'good' or 'bad' treatment.

The really funny thing is last week she asked if I wanted to sleep over the night before Easter (with her in the house too) so we could get up and watch the kids hunt for their Easter baskets. I immediately said no thanks. I reminded her a few months ago I talked to her about her not doing things like that so the kids can have an experience of it and she told me, "What's the point? It's all fake anyway."

I told her to do Easter with the kids and I will do it with them next year. I mean, why would I want to sleep in the house with a woman who tried to get a court order out on my at the end of January? I feel bad my kids miss me being there but I will have plenty of opportunities to be there with them in so many things.

In July I'm taking them to Colorado for my family reunion. My W is taking a cruise with her family and leaving the kids at home. I want my kids to experience these things with me. My W and I are on different pages - to her they would get in the way, to me, I want them to be with me.

Even last night I texted my W to tell her I was going to drop off some Easter eggs I filled up for the kids. She txt back asking if I want to come in and hide them. I told her no. Asked her to put them in their baskets. I just have no desire to do any of this stuff with her. The great thing about it is, it doesn't matter to me.

I need nothing from her. That's really freeing.

Whiskey, what philosophy class did you take? My two passions are philosophy and psychology. I'm going to go back to school to get a Masters in the mental health field - maybe become a psychotherapist. Both are amazing subjects.

Thanks again for your post. I really enjoy and respect your feedback and advice.

I still can't snatch that marble from you're hand..