You ladies are really getting it. You are learning and giving each other great advice. I hope you all continue to listen. Try to keep having a great weekend. The weather in NH is unbelievable.
WH came to work on the yard this morning. When he came he made me a latte and said "could we talk?" I braced myself for more bad news...I was totally shocked when he said that the affair is over, that there was just to much pain on both sides. He said that the love I was showing him throughout the situation really helped him to see what he really wanted. He also said that he realized how much he missed me when I went away for a weekend with D (first time without him). He said that he just wanted to be there and wanted to sit in the car beside me.
Said that for the first time he is thinking that the affair was a mistake and shouldn't have happened. He's been reading the book "After the affair" and is trying to understand himself and why it happened. Said that he will need some therapy. And he would like us to try to work things out.
I mainly listened (shell-shocked) and then I told him that I still love him but I'm scarred after the first false comeback. He said that it's very different now, before it was OW that pulled out, this time he wanted to end it as well. They will never talk or see each other again. She is going back to her husband.
I said that we will have to go slowly and see. And not to tell daughter anything yet.
To be honest I was kind of numb. I think that WH was surprised that I didn't look happy when he told me that he wants to come back.
I told him that he has lots of work ahead of him. He said "give me every relationship book you have, I will start reading like crazy".
We worked in the yard after, both of us were very tentative, not knowing how exactly to act. It was a little awkward. He would kiss my head and remove a speck of earth from my face, called me sweetie. I think that I was more standoffish.
Invited him for dinner tonight.
I'm going to take this slow, no expectations, he has to prove to me that this it the real thing. I have to believe that he really loves me. In the mean time he stays in his apartment. I expect that we will talk...talk a lot
Have to run and cook dinner
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
WOW! I am literally crying! All my best to BOTH of you.
Me: WAW/MLC 41 H: 42 M: 16 yr T: 20 Me: EA/PA started Sept 2008 D: Anytime, just need to sign papers http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1968939&page=1
Mila - so happy for you! I certainly hope he is willing to do the hard work he needs to do to prove to you he means what he says! Good job on taking things slow - in the long run that will be best for your whole family I think.
I still don't know "what hit me" with his announcement today. I'm kind of "dazed & confused". I didn't expect that AT ALL. There was absolutely no indication. I asked him "how long ago did you start wanting to come back?" He said for about 3 weeks. I asked "wasn't OW in town and at your place until yesterday? He said "yes, we were talking about things for about a week. She left yesterday and that's the end".
My brain needs to adjust...this is crazy. Why am I not insanely happy about this? I guess my heart is just to bruised and I'm scared to trust...
WH came for Easter dinner. We had a nice family time together. After dinner H did the dishes, took his wine glass and went to "look at the garden". I think that he had a little cry.
He is coming tomorrow again to continue working with me on the backyard.
Slow and steady...that's my motto
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
My brain needs to adjust...this is crazy. Why am I not insanely happy about this? I guess my heart is just to bruised and I'm scared to trust...
EXACTLY!!!! If OW has been out of the picture 100% for a few weeks different story, this has just been one day. All my good thoughts to BOTH of you.
Me: WAW/MLC 41 H: 42 M: 16 yr T: 20 Me: EA/PA started Sept 2008 D: Anytime, just need to sign papers http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1968939&page=1
You need to give it time and he needs to prove she really is out of the picture. He needs to earn your trust again. Maybe the fact that you reacted the way you did (not insanely happy) will get through to your H. Try to keep as detached as you can still and let him to the work he needs to do to come back.
