The more I think about going dark, the more I want to call H, talk to him. He's shut me out for so many years, I want to try to reach him. I want him to hear me. I feel like if I go dark I"m giving him what he wants - his happy life with his new woman.
I am sitting here right now with the phone in my hand, I'm trying not to call him but I don't know if I can stop.
he's coming over today and spending thte night to be with S. I want to talk -- how am I going to stay away?
