OK, I m going to try to do all this. It's hard to wrap my head around. All I keep thinking is how happy he said he is without me, imagining him with OW and how he's moved on ....
(((Hope)))
Ok, this is the tough stuff, I think- not like it hasn't been tough til now. We will help you stay strong if you keep posting us updates and all your fears and worries, along with action you're taking so we can cheer you on.
He is LYING- to himself and you. He may not realize how unhappy he is w/out you til after you go dark and ignore him for awhile. When he sees you aren't going to take anymore of his sh** and you are strong without him and in fact, don't need him (or appear not to- you don't, but I know how you want him)- his facade of fake happiness will crumble when he realizes he is alone. This can't happen unless you go dark. Remember how they rewrite history? Mine has done this too. Don't listen to him- he is saying what he perceives to be the most hurtful things to you to do maximum damage b/c he knows- and you have shown him- how to push your buttons. Time to turn those off.
Quote:
and so angry that he didn't giv our marriage more of a chance, more vulnerability, more openess....
and of course this leads me to want to do the opposite of go dark = I want to convnice, plead, etc.
I know better. but the urge is strong today. the pain of losing not only my husband but my son half the time is almost too great.
going dark is the scariest and hardest thing. but i'll try and hope you are all correct...
I can't write much; H is lurking around my computer for some reason and I can't let him see this site. The urge will be very strong and will fade some over time. Is there anyone you can hang out with today that will keep you distracted? I think it's not a great time to be by yourself. You don't know what the future holds for S- and chances are good you would get more custody anyway, given the drugs (I know what L told you, but this has to count against him). Since that's in the future and for now, out of your control, focus on reigning in the panic by doing just the next hour of this day and keeping very busy. Will try to write more later. Thinking of you- have been all weekend.
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
