Hmm. all he has said--very worrisome. I very much think he has a serious problem.
Don't bring up OW--that is snooping and crazy making. You would still be trying to save your M--you have indicated that many times--and good for you!! That is who YOU want to be and there is nothing wrong with that! It is a good and noble cause and one that any decent human would try to explore!!
It's going to be challenging, but people LOVE the detachment and clarity it brings. It is for you.
H4L, what you have posted about your H's "self-medication" and recreational pill use concerns me very much and IMO you have ample red flags for assuming an addiction problem.
I agree with LauraOh that this complicates your sitch. I want you to go dark so that you can have some time where you can build yourself up without him tearing you down constantly. He knows how to undermine you and whether consciously or unconsciously he is doing this to you on a regular basis. He is in his own downward spiral that probably involves a combination of mental health issues, drugs, OW, and MLC. He is dragging you down with him...don't let him.
You don't have to decide your overall strategy today. But start taking care of yourself today. Don't contact your H. Leave a message with an IC today asking for an appointment and giving your availability. Look up a Nar-Anon meeting and go today. Spend some time outdoors with your S today. Rent a distracting movie to watch tonight.
(((H4L)))
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
OK, I m going to try to do all this. It's hard to wrap my head around. All I keep thinking is how happy he said he is without me, imagining him with OW and how he's moved on ....
and so angry that he didn't giv our marriage more of a chance, more vulnerability, more openess....
and of course this leads me to want to do the opposite of go dark = I want to convnice, plead, etc.
I know better. but the urge is strong today. the pain of losing not only my husband but my son half the time is almost too great.
going dark is the scariest and hardest thing. but i'll try and hope you are all correct...
I agree with OP that your H is in MLC. Have been wondering that for awhile now as I read your posts. Believe that going to dark is good for YOU! I get emotional and upset after everytime my H is here...I do so much better when I don't see him. It is about YOU and your S now. Hugs and prayers!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
