Forget what you say here. Think about what you really, really want. If you have any interest in reconciliation, then you have to give Gabe space to be a good guy.
I don't know much about your M. Did you give him space to be a good guy in that M? Or, did you martyr yourself, treat him like a child, expect him to be useless, not count on him, show him little respect.
My point: if you do want to reconcile and have a good M, treat him like the man you want him to be as a partner and act like the partner you'd want to be.
Even if you don't want to reconcile, you are back in a personal R with him, like it or not by your choice. So, make the best of it, use it as an opportunity to change your behaviors and your patterns that didn't work in the M.
You WILL have to work those issues out with someone. May as well work through some of them now. Better for you and Marc. And, a very, very slight chance that it might actually lead to a new and different R with Gabe.
Sorry I've been away all. I have been dealing with more stuff with mom so haven't been able to think much about anything else.
There is no doubt in my mind that God put this situation with Gabe into motion so that I would have help with mom. He has picked her up off the floor at least 3 times since he's been here and helped get her in and out of bed, wheelchair, car numerous times. Yesterday morning was a breaking point though. She had to go to dialysis but she was confused. She didn't know who I was for a few minutes and kept saying all sorts of crazy things, seeing people that aren't there, having conversations with them and eating imaginary food and saying that it had no taste (um yeah...it's air!). She has never been altered like this and it completely freaked me out. I got her to dialysis with much help from Gabe and when she was done with her treatment I took her straight to the emergency room. It took 3 nurses and me to get her out of the car and into a wheelchair. It's the scariest thing I've ever seen. She has been admitted and they think she is having something called 'serotonin syndrome'. It's a buildup of SSRI's in her system because her kidney's can't filter them. She takes 3 different AD's but not for depression. They have peripheral functions and help with the neuropathy in her legs. It's really horrible and I hope to God that this is what is wrong because if it isn't then there are bigger problems.
That being said, I asked Gabe last night what happened with him and the broom to end their R. I wanted to hear his take on it. He claims that she has an extremely jealous nature and couldn't handle that he has a lot of female friends on FB. Now, I can tell you that he does have a lot of female friends, always has. I have seen his friend list and these are all women he went to high school with or played in the all-city band with. I know their names, he's mentioned them to me over the years while telling me stories from the past. I half believe him. I'm not convinced that is the whole story but I can believe that she was jealous that he was talking to them. Why wouldn't she be? That's how their R started. She was a 'friend'. They talked a lot about their personal lives and problems and it morphed into a full blown A. KARMA KARMA KARMA! It's all come back around to her. Like I said though, I'm 90% sure there is more to it than that. I can't imagine giving up a 3 year R with someone over petty jealousy. He says that she has had this problem the whole time, she doesn't like him talking to any woman other than her. Whatever. I'm pretty sure it's over for good though....she cut his phone off with no warning.
So, that is the nutiness that surrounds me. God help me.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Sorry about your mom...when my grandma started losing lucidity it was pretty scary! I hope they get things figured out. And glad Gabe has been helping you with your mom.
Good for you asking him what happened with the broom. Do you think she was also jealous of you? Not that you and Gabe were dating or anything but you have been communicating more and he has been around the house more...I just know from listening to Dr. Laura on occasion that a lot of women call in complaining about the amount of time their men spend with their ex-wives and kids....duh people!
Anyway glad he is there to help with your mom so you don't have to shoulder the whole thing on your own.
Hope you and your Mom are doing better. I am sure you all could use a patch of calm. Good thing Gabe was there to help. Never thought I would say that but it is true.
hang in there. kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Mom is doing much better. Thank you all for your kind thoughts and prayers. They believe that they have most of the SSRI's out of her system and that she won't have any more episodes as long as she doesn't take them again. She's going to have to learn to live with the pain of the neuropathy unfortunately.
I'm learning to accept Gabe's help. I don't let him help with my mundane daily tasks but I do let him help with the big things. There is a fine line to walk in order to make sure that I don't develop any dependency on him again. It's hard, trust me! He was standing in the kitchen with me while I was making dinner last night, asking if I needed help chopping anything. I kept having flashes of our M life. Of him in the kitchen, offering to help, of him walking in and wrapping his arms around me from behind, kissing me on the neck while he did so. I had to shake the image out of my head several times and just take a deep breath and continue on like he wasn't there. This is growing more difficult by the day, but I'll manage.
He called his mom yesterday and she wanted to talk to me. She thanked me for giving her son a roof over his head and told me that she warned him that he had better get his crap together ASAP and get a place of his own and stop getting involved with women all together. I just laughed and told her that was a good idea.
It's official guys....I'm insane, but completely fortunate to have help when it was most needed. Now, to figure out how to get him out of my house in a timely fashion.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I didn't say I wasn't still attracted to him. That will never go away. I know in my head though that I can not be involved with him. He's toxic, my head knows it, experience knows it, my foolish heart still has feelings for him but my head is winning out. I've been destroyed too many times by him to allow it again. So no....I have NO interest in reconciling. Too much pain. I think my loneliness is just getting the best of me.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
