Since we have been separated, I think it has given her time to begin to experience what divorce would look like. I think she is enjoying some of the freedom, but doesn't want the loneliness.
I agree that she is going to have to really want me. She is showing some signs of that, but I am proceeding with caution. This is a wife who was really angry. During our recent discussions, she has told me that she is feeling less angry, more lonely, etc.
Thus the fine line I'm walking. DB says to do a 180, which for me is to actually talk to her about our R and how she feels, but I think I need to make sure that she brings up the R talk when we do this. The time or two where she brought up the R talk was fairly successful. Other times when I tried to bring it up, it was not so successful, which I guess is part of experimenting and monitoring results.
After we had a few R talks, I asked her on a date and she said no. That gives me the impression, along with the counsel that she received, to give her more time to think. I know this will take more time. My wife has to be able to trust that I am genuinely interested in how she feels.
I have really liked reading some of Sandi's responsees. They give me a deeper look as to some of the ways that my wife has been and is feeling. Doing a 180 for me is to allow my wife to express herself more openly to me, but I've got to allow her to feel comfortable that she can do that without me shutting her down.
Even though divorce has been filed, I don't believe it's too late. My wife has been open to talking even during this process.
