Thanks for all the comments. I am back in my "right" mind this morning and after 2 days of my husband not contacting me after OW called, that REALLY spoke of his intentions about me. His words may say one thing but his ACTIONS show a lot different.
DLS,
I appreciate your comments and your train of thought is similar to a Plan A approach when an affair first starts. Similar to be the better option. However; please go back if you have time and read all of my posts. My husband claims to have feelings for me and for OW; my husband has said on several occasions that he plays people like a game to keep from getting hurt himself; my husband has told me that he was living a double life....I am sorry but he is not your 'typical' adulterer. He actually says he gets a thrill from playing this game with people.
This is why Allen (and alot of other veterans on this board) is advising me on not dealing with this man. My own father who is a mental health specialist (with an emphasis on drugs and achohol abuse) has warned me several times that my husband will need serious treatment. I didn't heed the advice of my father and my husband has acted out more and worst as time went on. Husband doesn't really want to be with OW and he doesn't really want to be with me. However, he USES the both of us to get his emotional 'fix' and drains people. Until my husband gets some help I am better off taking myself out of his mind games
4luv that was an incredibly mature and honest appraisal of your situation. I am really pleased to see this.
I don`t give up on marriage... ever. But i do believe people need to be protected from their spouses in some cases until adequate treatment is sought out and executed fully.
Your husband can learn to work with his illness here and STOP doing what he does, just like drinking or anything else, but its a very difficult process to go through, it requires professional guidance, and it isn`t going to happen on its own.
Your H may be worth working with sometime later, but right now you need to protect yourself first. If you shut him out right now, he will HAVE to go to OW for all of his needs, and you know very well no one person can do that. He will seek out another female to offset OW if you don`t allow him to seek you out anymore. I haven`t given up on him or your marriage, but he needs treatment before you can setup any arrangements with him to reconcile.
It`s just like alcoholism or drug use, if there is a prolonged activity by one of the spouses in the marriage that is destructive to them and or you, it must be addressed as part of the reconcilliation boundary set that`s established by yourself and a FT. Unless he`s willing to get some help you need to keep yourself safe first.
