It sounds like you're doing well 8 . Enjoy your vacation! Glad to hear that your convo with SIL was positive.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Thanks, flowmom. I'm so happy to have a vacation. I've probably been unrealistic about all the things I can get done during my break (as usual), but it doesn't bother me. I'll do what I can and do the rest over weekends or the summer.
rr22, your comment made me laugh! Truth be told, I did NOT enjoy the lawnmower. Before I go on too much, I will first say that I'm pleased that my mowing got done. I feel very productive, and my yard looks great. It will look great for another few days before I have to get out there and do this again.
And now let's talk about how my yard adventures went.
Of course, I could not get the lawnmower (which is a push mower) to start. I really gave it my all, and I even tried to encourage it by giving it a motivating kick. Didn't help. Eventually, a 12-year-old neighbor got it to start. He is either stronger than I or some sort of wizard.
Boxer dog was driven insane with a mixture of fear and excitement as I mowed, and his feelings spiked dramatically when I mowed over one of his beloved tennis balls. I have yet to pick up the battered remains of this most special toy.
Unlikely though it may seem, my yard seemed to get bigger as I mowed. It also got hillier and rougher in terrain. I thought I would never be done. With a few breaks to drink water, refuel the mower, and clean clippings from underneath the pitifully inadequate machine, I spent 4 glorious hours outdoors.
I wore blisters on my thumbs, and the only Band-Aids in my house were either adorned with black bats (the mammal kind, not the baseball kind) or various images of Nigiri-style sushi. Since sushi is not seasonal, I chose those. I also gave myself beet-red back, shoulders, and upper arms from wearing a tank top and no sunscreen. I ALWAYS do that at this time of year. You'd think I would have learned by now, but obviously I haven't.
Regardless of my minor setbacks and trivial struggles, I am happy with my accomplishments. I slept for 12 hours last night, which was just what I needed.
Today has been great, too. The weather has been amazing, and I've spent a little time outside (but not so much that I burn to a crisp). I have visited with some neighbors, and I've gotten out some bulbs and seeds to plant over the next couple days. I did a leisurely grocery trip and got some Easter gifts for family members. Now I'm going to do some laundry, read a celebrity gossip mag, and ponder my home improvement plans.
H and I have not texted or spoken since Wednesday night, and I've thought of him periodically (but not in an obsessive or heartbroken manner). I wonder if I'll hear from him tomorrow with an Easter wish.
I dread tomorrow for only one reason--my family (meaning my father, my 15-year-old half-brother, and my lunatic uncle) will be having lunch with my 80-year-old grandmother (and her 89-year-old boyfriend, who is tactless and blunt in every possible way) at her house. My grandmother has not been told about the separation (for obvious or not-so-obvious reasons), so I have to come up with a creative story about H's absence. If anyone has an interesting suggestion for a story about his lack of attendance, then I'm happy to hear it. All suggestions will be considered.
He's at HIS grandmother or grandfather's house this Easter and sends his best?
Congratulations on earning your lawn stripes! Sounds like you and boxer will be getting a return mission soon enough. Over here I had a GAL morning and an errand afternoon.
What's the longest you have gone without hearing from or speaking to H since this started?
I think I like the "he's at his grandmother's" idea, especially since she lives more than an hour away. It's guaranteed not to cause my grandmother to say that he should come when he's done--he'd too far away (if he were really there, that is).
Glad you had a busy day. Those days are the best. I hope your GAL morning was especially fun.
The longest H and I have gone is a week or more. That was during the late January/most of February part of the separation. This length of time is no cause for alarm, I guess. I'd just like to think he's thinking of me and would call to check in on me (wishful thinking, I know).
I'm not sure. Sadly, it has probably not been a week if you count email and texts. It probably has been a week without phone with just one or two short emails or something. But we went two months near the beginning not seeing each other (different towns).
The problem with depression is some weeks they seem to get in their isolation groove and it suits them. Makes you wonder if DBing is possible if they are spending a lot of time isolating and recovering from being exhausted from work. I don't know if your H is very energetic over at his parents or mostly grumping and tired and nursing different ailments all the time?
When I was at my angriest and/or trying to go dark, I was the one ignoring his calls or texts. This lack of contact doesn't startle me. We've gone a long time without seeing each other, too, but we've never gone as long as you and your H.
You're so right about their getting in their isolation groove. My H can be more exhausted from a day's work than most others. So frustrating because it's so obviously depression.
I can't imagine that he is energetic at his mother's. I can envision him lying in a state of repose a great deal of the time. I can also picture him holed up in his old bedroom, staying on the computer or playing on his iPhone. It's so hard for me to think about his isolating himself. I wish there was some way I could help him, but I know that I can't do that right now.
Do we just leave them to wallow in their depression???
I can envision him lying in a state of repose a great deal of the time. I can also picture him holed up in his old bedroom, staying on the computer or playing on his iPhone.
I have this vision a lot too. LOL. Complete with iphone.
Number 8:
It's so hard for me to think about his isolating himself. I wish there was some way I could help him, but I know that I can't do that right now.
Do we just leave them to wallow in their depression???
My IC said yeah, pretty much. The DR books say yeah, pretty much. But some of the online materials about depression say occaionally try to draw them out to do positive stuff. Kind of hard to do when you are the target of many of life's troubles though. I go back and forth between the two and try to detach, stay busy, do a lot of positive stuff for me.
Did an hour walk this mornign. Perfect spring day. Going to do some things with other people but will probably check back in later today. Going to try not to lie in repose with iphone myself. Ha.
. Enjoy your vacation! Glad to hear that your convo with SIL was positive.