Hmm. all he has said--very worrisome. I very much think he has a serious problem.
Don't bring up OW--that is snooping and crazy making. You would still be trying to save your M--you have indicated that many times--and good for you!! That is who YOU want to be and there is nothing wrong with that! It is a good and noble cause and one that any decent human would try to explore!!
It's going to be challenging, but people LOVE the detachment and clarity it brings. It is for you.
