One strategy you can use is to make your marriage more attractive than any thing that the H may be doing in the world.
Armed with the knowledge that most people who leave for another end up in a situation that does not work, and the "affair magic" dies down after the divorce, you should have enough confidence.
Invite the guy in. Stop looking at it from a critical perspective. If there are some things that he has been trying to communicate to you, verbally or non-verbally, try to process it.
What the hell is he getting out of this affair partner other than an "affair and cheating on his wife"?
Why can't he have those feelings which may be strong to him with you?
Do you still love the man? No communication is only going to make him strengthen his bond with his affair partner.
I believe if I where in your shoes, I would start out by making a date with the man. Let him check you out. Don't be nervous and get the affair thoughts out of your head, easier said than done. Find a way to revert to your confidence base during your date.
Many of us men are in the same position, and we don't get other men giving us advice trying to play hero. They usually bash the guy.
What I have found is you can get much more from a loving home than out in an affair or single sex, and it is the truth.
Please don't be another statistic in this country.
