Messed up

[jt2007]

Thank you all for answering. It helps so much knowing that there are others going through similar events.

Upside you are right I need to look at the possibility this is the same thing as XH being a different person, and I concentrate on what I may need to improve.

Jack, looking back he has always had an "anger" prob. towards me and yes its been physical sometimes. But I overlooked a lot because of excuses of bad parenting from his childhood and not haveing coping skills. But Im not going to put up with it anymore. He is not that way with the children but they dont need to see him treat me that way.

I went over to the house today to give them and him Easter gifts,
He ended up cutting the grass and asked me to be responsible for the landscape...which I always was,,,I lol inside. Let him have his "control" trip.
I used a trash can with a liner to put the clippings in and he saw it and kicked the can and yelled at me to leave that he couldnt be around me. Now..I had no idea what happened I asked camly what I did wrong..(usually I would yell back) ...he said that can was for the dog food.
I apologized and camly said I did not want to upset him,,,he aplogized and said that his anger toward me was more and I just had a way that I agreveate him just by being around (not doing anything to cause this)

The more I look back on these things that happen like this..the more I think maybe he delt with his guilt or whatever by just being angry at me.

Not sure if Im on tract with that...but I dont think I need to focus on his anger. I believe I need to focus on what weakness I might have to overcome..so I am not so vonerable to his anger as to take it so personal.
It felt nice to not argue back that he was the one that was wrong, I just knew it inside and It stayed with me and God.

I did my part I think by just acknowledging his feelings at that moment and asking him to please not do it again because It gets him to upset and hurts himself. Nothing about me or my feelings... it seemed to work.

NOT SURE WHY..but it diffused.


Pilot..thanks for the resources I will defni be reading them in the next few days to gain some extra insight.
I need to understand what I'm exactly facing here, so I can try and make some good choices and gain some perspective.

side note*
Is this realy Hell? frekn hard Nursing school (trying not to get kicked out because cant concentrate) --H mlc, missing my children ...having to rearange my life with them...and losing my family ...suppport my self after 16yrs.. trying to find a way to put humpty dumpty together again...uggg...guess the rain it pours thing applies here.