She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

[Surviving03]

you did AWESOME tbart!!! you get this! dont even worry about the legal S... just keep on your same path. It is just a piece of paper, it isnt over til its over and even then... it may not be over. I like your line, you will move forward, not move on. I am going to adopt that for myself

[tbart01]

This just made it seem harder to reconcile. I may be looking too much into the piece of paper. Allot of good things came out of the conversation except for the S

[tbart01]

I'm proud of myself for handling things the way that I did. I realize now what I need to do, and I'm glad that I know I can do it.

I truly hope this doesn't mean that all my efforts have been for nothing. Somehow she's making all these decisions before I even get home, or before we get the chance to discuss anything.

I'm not really sure how to take this new information, or if I should even be sweating it.

I told her that for the first time in my life, I truly like the person that I am. I know I have come a long way. I just hope I can keep moving in the right direction.

I know my words can't change the way she feels, but I hope my actions and positive change will show her.

I don't want this to change what I've been doing, or cause me to give up hope. I don't know that the door is completely closed, nor does she.

She finally commented on my weight loss. Before she told me the pictures I posted on Facebook looked wierd. Now she said I look really thin, almost to thin. She's acknowleging me in a different way than she has been.

I still hear her telling me it's going to be nice to see me. her tone has changed about just dropping me off and leaving. Now she want's to make me dinner my first night back. Maybe she feels some kind of peace now that she's filed, and that she see's I'm not fighting her like she thought I would. maybe I have no idea why anything is the way it is.

Only time will tell what exactly is going to happen.

[tbart01]

when my friends wake up, give me a shout.

[tbart01]

I want to thank all you guys and DR. I have a long road ahead and I know it, but baby steps have already been made.

My W and I spoke again this morning, and she had allot of honest things to say to me. It appears that last night when we got off the phone she thought all night about how I acted and didn't react to her news. She said she was very surprised and happy about it. I passed my first test.

Since I acted on her words she felt more comfortable talking to me. She spoke to me for an hour about R stuff. She is absolutely looking forward to seeing me, but is still sceptical. I validated her once again, but made it clear to her that this is the new me. i told her she has no reason to believe it just because i said it.

She really wants to make me dinner my first night, and she looks forward to us being able to talk. She said that yesterday was very nice because she didn't think she could talk to me like that. I told her that I was pretty confident that the old defensive, over reacting me was gone.

When the topic of legal S came up and why she was doing it, she said she was giving me a year. She said I had time to show her whether or not my changes were permanent. She actually brought up stuff about the future.

Just by listening to you guys and what I've learned from the book, I may have had a positive impact on our future. Of course only the future will tell.

I do know it's way to early to get too positive, but this is a great step in the right direction. I was put to my very first test, and I passed it.

i guess you guys are correct in saying that it's only a piece of paper. She still plans on MC in our future as well. She really liked the new way we were communicating and listening to one another. I've known for months I could do it, but she finally let her guard down a little.

[steady]

tbart, I want you to notice something before I address any of the stuff you've written:

In the first post in this series, after you spoke to her and she reiterated the legal S. You were shaken and the rug was pulled from underneath you.

Your last post you have a totally different and more hopeful outlook.

It's your roller coaster based on what she is saying and doing.

Don't get me wrong, you are handling things exactly the way you need to handle them and I'm really proud of you. You're nailing it. Just don't get cocky and keep doing what you're doing. Remember, as you can see, things can switch on a dime.

Back to my original subject. This is what I mean when I say you have no idea where things are going. After the first conv you thought things were going south, as it 'appeared' to be. Your demeanor went south with it. Then she thought a lot about what you said and how you acted, talked to you again, and some of what she said (MC, postive indicators, happy about how you guys can talk, etc..) has shown the sitch 'appears' to be heading north.

This sitch will go all over the place. You are doing fantastic. When your heart drops or your stomach fills with that nauseous feeling do not react, act, then come here and dump. It's what you are doing, so keep doing it.

I'm not one to say how things look anymore when it comes to a sitch. But I will tell you I think you are doing a great job. Time will tell where it ends up. Don't worry about the outcome, just keep your eye on the present now.

[tbart01]

Steady, thank you. I did take the news really hard, and all of you said it was just a piece of paper. i always think the worst right off the bat. you are absolutely correct when you tell me I have no idea where things are going. I see that finally, and that's why I now say one day at a time.

I know things will be up and down, but this is the most positive outlook I've been able to have in months.

I'm proud of myself because I'm sticking to what I've learned for the first time. The advice I've been given from you guys is already paying off.

I'm not trying to get cocky, but I'm proud of myself. i was put to the test twice in two days and I passed it. i would not have passed it a few months back.

I'm not saying things are instantly repaired, but a baby step has been made in the right direction. Until now everything was either a backwards step or status quo.

I have been biting my tongue and coming to you guys before i react. If I had called her out on the Facebook post i would have set everything back. You guys talked me off the ledge, I listened, and here i am today. if I hadn't listened, no baby step.

[g450]

I have a question that I really don't understand.

How can someone just starting being so mean and hateful. My W has been talking to all her old friends from before we were married. She's been talking, texting, and Facebooking comments to these people. It's almost like she's in high school again.

Her H is in Afghanistan and she can't call, email or post anything on Facebook to me. How can she just reject me like this. How do they lose there mind like this?

I'm finding myself rejected and neglected, like most of us do at this point. I don't want to let this bother me like it is, but I can't help it. I haven't hurt this woman to cause this, but in her mind I've done something.

There's one person in particular to that she's talking to that I want to ask her about. The person that she sen't the post card to a few weeks back. I still wonder what her intentions are with this. I really want to question her about this relationship. Can I?

My ex wife did the same exact crap to me. And she kicked me off her facebook page as well. Hell, she even kicked her own son off her facebook so he could not see what she was up to I guess.

I would not beat my brain up about it. Sometimes they do this just to be vindictive and to pull your chain.

I have been divorced now for two months and she still wants to play games like this.

[g450]

Well looks like Im late to the party.

Good news indeed. Take that year she is giving you and show her what she wants to see but also BE that guy she wants to see for the rest of your life. Do it for yourself, not just for her.

I only wish my XW gave me a chance like that. My own life has swung all the way to the bitter side of things but it is starting to come back to the sweeter end slowly but surly.

Your ship out date is coming up soon. Ill say a prayer for you.

[tbart01]

Sorry to hear that g450. I'm not out of the woods by a long shot, but there's at least a cracked door.

I feel real good about me, and those that know me well have noticed the changes, and they like it. I hope they're permanent changes, but only time will tell. I feel they're permanent, and I most definitely made them for me.

I used to be panicked about going home, but I'm not anymore. yes I'm still nervous about what the future may hold, but I know that I'll be fine either way.

I so badly want to see my daughters and that's what matters. Whatever happens between my W and I will take care of itself. In the end I will either be thankful we're back together, or I'll feel better about me for the person I've become.