1. I don't know about the No contact Until Retro thing... it really doesn't send the right message... He will just nod through retro knowing he call call her once Retro is over... what's the point?
When confronting you always need to be armed with reality and consequences to fire at him if he gives you grief. If you confront and have no consequences to fire then you are going into battle unarmed.
And yes, exposure is a consequence, as is child support payments, alimony payments, public humiliation in general, lawyers fees.
Marital assets should be first allotted to the family home and any children it supports... including education plans for children. Whatever "fun money" is left over should be divided between you.. in my opinion. And the person that wants to leave the marriage, leaves the family and the home behind.
3. Try to expose to OWH in person since emails and phone messages may be intercepted.
4. Don't ask WS's friends to exclude her until you two are divorced... If one of my friends was cheating on his wife I would tell him if he walks out on his family, his children, and his wife I don't want to have ANYTHING to do with the woman that prompted that escape... EVER... not just while its happening, but EVER. Her destroying a marriage isn't any more legitimate after his divorce, she's still the homewrecker even after papers are signed... Its your play here, but often its best to just ask them to supoprt your marriage and respect for you and your children indefinitely... Him befriending OW after divorce is still disrespectful to you.
5. Locks are VERY easy to change, OR you can call a locksmith to install them... you can buy them at most hardware stores and have keys made for them right there. If there is more than one door you can buy locks that both match the same key.
My advice is to pay someone to install them to save you some stress.. if you like this sorta stuff watch him do it so you learn anyhow.
You will need to observe the laws in your state regarding changing of locks.. most locksmiths wont change locks on a home unless you are the owner... They don't want to get involved in domestic disputes...
But its very easy to change a lock... my wife did all three on our home when we bought five years ago... she did them all inside of a couple of hours... and the same key fit all three locks too... she hadn't done it before but she figured it out pretty quick.
If you are curious, get a screwdriver and remove the one that's there... take a look at it and how it fits into the socket and then put it back in... make sure you buy a new lock that is the same design so you don't have to do any cutting or drilling to fit a different shape lock. And of course, secure the key with someone ELSE.. don't keep it in YOUR home... put it at your parents place or somewhere that he won't dare go to ask for it.
And dont' forget you can always turn to your support team to help you do the locks... FIL or whomever ... its not that you can't do it.. you just have a lot on your mind and you need time free to plan.. anyone of your support team can do the locks if you feel they are qualified.
