Well it sounds like it was a bit of a stressful day yesterday, but good stuff mixed in too (sorry about the shades )
It's so hard when they get whiny and cranky- I've been having a lot of that lately and in my sitch- still living together, acting relatively normally, all my close friends keep asking "do you think she could be picking up on the tension??!!!" which of course feeds my anxiety that this will affect her soon. I already hurt when she says "I want daddy"; can only imagine the pain you get in your situation now.
You ARE a great, cool dad. Many of us didn't have a dad like you, and D is very, very lucky. I don't say that lightly- sometime I can tell you about my dad- nowhere NEAR as involved as you and he stayed in the house with my mom for 20 years, which should've made it easier- he just wasn't interested. You are, and she needs her dad- all little girls do. And yes, when they all hate us moms in the teenage years, you will reap the benefits
I like the meetup idea- hey, if you're an outdoorsy person, it would be great to find people to do that stuff with! Is there an REI down there? I remember seeing that they have groups and trips and stuff (I'm a backpacker), but have never done one.
Hope your weekend's going ok--
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
J, yeah bummer about the shades...oh well. I appreciate the kind words...we'll see how things pan out in the future. Yes it's a little tough when the kids are cranky and you're exhausted yourself, you wish the other parent was there to help but c'est la vie.
I've never backpacked but I've done hiking and camping a lot. We even bought a travel trailer last year and wanted to do lots of camping trips with the family this year and years to come. Oh well. Oh yeah there's REI here but not that close to me so I don't usually go there. Even with the meetups etc I prefer to go with at least one person I know so I'm usually in a chicken-or-the-egg situation but sometimes I do step out of my comfort zone and just do it.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
This morning DD and I both woke up kinda late (7:30AM). I got a text from W around 8AM: "Good morning-what time do you want me to pick up DD?"
I thought it was a slight change in her tone to say good morning. Normally she just gets to the point. I replied back "Hi, can you be here by 9AM? I have to leave at 9:15AM".
She replied back "yeah, I'll be there by 8:45AM or so".
Then I rushed to get DD to brush her teeth, get dressed and then get myself ready before STBXW showed up. When she got here she was pleasant like she always is. It's hard to look at her and not give her a hug but I usually don't look at her too much. Anyway, DD saw her and hugged my leg saying 'I want to stay with daddy' kinda playfully. Aww that felt nice. I turned to W and said 'no, she missed you'. I gave DD lots of hugs and told her I'd pick her up from school on Mon. She still kept saying playfully she didn't want to go with mommy...so STBXW said 'ok I'm leaving then'. Of course that's not what DD wanted so she said 'mommy, for real?'. I told her 'no but you should go so you can play with your friend there'. She said 'I want to stay at my own house'. I looked at W and jokingly said 'I guess we'll need three separate houses then'. Anyway, DD finally left and I got ready for my bike ride with my friend.
Got to ride for a while, this time mostly on bike trails around the Newport bay. Saw a few cute girls running. At one point my friend joked 'Hey I got some napkins if you want to wipe the drool off your face'. Not that I was drooling or even looking that hard but there were several cute girls out today. It's weird that even when I see an attractive girl I like her but when I picture myself with her it's hard. I always think...jeez all my quirkiness, oddities etc how will she even accept me or know me like my STBXW did.
Anyway, we went to a famous taco place off Pacific Coast Highway called Chronic Tacos. Had a big lunch and just got home around 2pm. I've got a lot of stuff to do so we'll see how I can get it all done:
Today's tasks:
1. Day 2 of hunderedpushups.com 2. Do the laudry 3. File taxes 4. Wash the truck 5. Warm up the motorcycle (haven't ridden it for a while) 6. Read the new book 'how to get over a relationship in 30 days'
Tomorrow:
1. Get cat food/cat litter 2. Change the oil on the car 3. Get groceries
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
OOPS, title of the book is "how to heal a broken heart in 30 days" by Howard Bronson
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
1. Day 2 of hunderedpushups.com 2. Do the laudry 3. File taxes 4. Wash the truck 5. Warm up the motorcycle (haven't ridden it for a while) 6. Read the new book 'how to get over a relationship in 30 days'
I totally forgot that almost all stores are closed today due to Easter. So I go out and there's nothing open, not a lot of traffic. A very quiet Sunday not a lot of chores to keep myself busy so I miss my family a bit. Just random thoughts running through my mind...like when I saw a restaurant on the way home and started reminscing about how we ate there the first day we moved into this house/neighborhood about 2 years ago etc. Hope DD's having a good day with her mom.
So a few other random things:
1. W's b.day falls on the day when I'll have DD and the next day too. So not sure what to do, I think it'd be nice if we did something together since DD would want to sing happy bday to mom.
2. April has started and I usually write W a check to cover a few bills (which she obviously wants me to pay for now and that's fine) and some extra money for her to have. I'm not sure if I should or shouldn't write her that check. In a way I don't if she's decided to leave against my wishes are her issues really my responsibility? but in a way I do because she probably has more expenses being on her own?
3. At times I wonder if I should invite her to do something with DD, even just a dinner like we used to since DD never sees us together anymore - well that's kinda what STBXW wanted so she didn't see us 'fighthing all the time'. So I guess that answers that question but it's so sad because I'm sure DD just wants us to be back together. She even tells strangers at the park etc how she lives at her mommy's house for 2 days and then her daddy's house snd how mommy doesn't live together. Almost like she wants someone to reassure her that it'll be ok and mommy will be back. It's heart breaking.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
yes you are a great dad. if my dad did half the stuff you did with me, wow, that would be amazing. and don't feel bad about her missing mommy and stuff. that is perfectly normal. moms just have that bond with kids and if you continue the path that your own, on how you are involving yourself with DD, then believe me, she's going to be a daddy's girl when she's older.
on paying for your wife. that is tricky. since she's not working...is she getting unemployment still? I think you should try to talk to a L about all that though, even just call someone up to ask a couple questions (then it's free). I think you should pay for everything for your own self, but I think since you guys are splitting custody half and half, she should expect to pay for herself, just like you are.
but, I can understand trying to help too since she isn't working, but is she actively seeking something? and was she working full time when you guys where together?
A friend of mine from here didn't work, they had 4 kids and he left her. So if he files, she's planning on getting cs, plus alimony, because she never worked and stayed home with the kids. legally, she is allowed to stay how she was before the D. or something like that.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
(((SR))) It's great that you're concentrating on your D and being a good father. And you're kicking butt on the to-do list too...thumbs up! Sorry that Easter feels rough. You and I can look forward to this weekend being over and things being back to "normal"...whatever the heck that is.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
ST, yes wife has always worked until early 2009 when she got laid off. She's still getting unemployment as far as I know.
Any suggestions on her b.day?
Mind, thanks! Happy Easter to you too!
FM, thank you! I ended up not doing a whole lot today. Grilled chicken breast, cooked some rice, some avacado and hot pepper and taco-bell hot sauce lol and it was actually a really good lunch! Installed new grips on the bike, cleaned the cat litter, ironed a few shirts and pants for work and then just surfed the 'net. I feel brain dead now. Time to make some dinner and watch a movie.
Oh I've been reading the book and I think it's really good but it's not for everyone here. The reason being it goes against everything DB is about. It wants you to say 'good-bye' to your ex and mean it which is hard to swallow. It says perhaps your ex and you may reconcile down the road but that should never be your hope or you can't effectively follow the book. It makes you sign a contract to yourself to never contact your ex unless it's for financial or kids matter. It then walks you through various emotions and a day by day routine as well as includes tips and lifestyle changes such as excercise, meditation, humor etc.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
1. Day 2 of hunderedpushups.com 2. Do the laudry 3. File taxes 4. Wash the truck 5. Warm up the motorcycle (haven't ridden it for a while) 6. Read the new book 'how to get over a relationship in 30 days'
Okaaaayyyy... So where's the fun in your life? If you actually rode the motorcycle, you're off the hook, but this is all errand/chore stuff! I went to a movie by myself a couple weeks ago cause there was no one to go with, and it was kind of liberating...
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when I saw a restaurant on the way home and started reminscing about how we ate there the first day we moved into this house/neighborhood about 2 years ago etc. Hope DD's having a good day with her mom.
Seeing those "happy" families sucks. Though, there are some who thought we were one of them, so you never know...
Quote:
1. W's b.day falls on the day when I'll have DD and the next day too. So not sure what to do, I think it'd be nice if we did something together since DD would want to sing happy bday to mom.
Didn't we already cover this last week? LOL. Perhaps you could help D call her mom on her b-day and sing to her over the phone. Without you singing. And help her make a card, remember?
Quote:
2. April has started and I usually write W a check to cover a few bills (which she obviously wants me to pay for now and that's fine) and some extra money for her to have. I'm not sure if I should or shouldn't write her that check. In a way I don't if she's decided to leave against my wishes are her issues really my responsibility? but in a way I do because she probably has more expenses being on her own?
Eek, not sure what to say here. Do you have some kind of agreement with her? Do you have an idea how much unemployment she gets and what rent costs? That might help you figure whether she needs money. And yes, she did decide to leave- like my H, maybe she didn't think through all the consequences before they announced they wanted to S.
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3. At times I wonder if I should invite her to do something with DD, even just a dinner like we used to since DD never sees us together anymore - well that's kinda what STBXW wanted so she didn't see us 'fighthing all the time'. So I guess that answers that question but it's so sad because I'm sure DD just wants us to be back together. She even tells strangers at the park etc how she lives at her mommy's house for 2 days and then her daddy's house snd how mommy doesn't live together. Almost like she wants someone to reassure her that it'll be ok and mommy will be back. It's heart breaking.
Do you have an IC? I plan to ask mine at some point on how to deal with the child thing. I'm sure there are some books on it too. I don't know about the getting together just for the sake of it- at this age she might take that as a sign you're getting back together and be confused. But I think for "events" and holidays, etc. it would be nice for her.
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
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