(((Hope))) - I hope you got some sleep today. I am at my most vulnerable when I'm sleep-deprived, don't know about you. I'm going to reply to a few things, take what is helpful; ignore what is not.
Re: your comment about "keeping hope". This must feel so hard- I want to hope, too, but as days pass I'm realizing I can't only hang onto that, I have to be much more active for myself and my D, making us whole in case we have to fly on our own, while keeping options open, as hard as that is. Hoping almost implies that we're sitting and waiting for something to change- maybe you are, maybe you aren't, but it puts us squarely back in the "waiting to see if they come back and work on things, while we feel powerless" corner. Reacting off of them instead of changing the dynamic ourselves, for ourselves.
What if you put aside hoping and waiting to see what he does, what he has to offer, for awhile (not give it up, just not make it a focus now) and focused on healing you and your S, protecting yourself from H's verbal abuse and began to build a safe, nurturing space for yourself from which to operate- a position of strength? This involves a big 180, I think. Rallying your troops around you- friends, family, getting that IC to talk to, etc. and doing whatever it takes to make Hope whole and happy right now. It's also hard to have hope or to feel optimistic about it when we're not first focusing on self-care- once you do and feel ready, you can tackle the other stuff, whatever you want.
Btw, "rallying the troops" (that's what I'm doing now- I have a mental picture of my "troops"- family and friends, therapist, pretty much all women- you know that famous drawing of the woman in Revolutionary France with her blouse falling down, holding up the torch? That's us, rallying to battle :-). They're with me when I need strength, either in my mind or for real- you need your own army, too!) also means being with people who will vocally and repeatedly combat the negativity of H. He tells you you're untrustworthy (so does mine)? Be with people who trust you and tell you that. Get some positive messages flowing in to drown out the bad, untrue stuff, or you'll get sucked into believing it.
I don't know about the GF, but I agree with some others that stuff like this can be said out of anger and spite. If you can, put it in that category- he said it to hurt you, no matter whether it's true or not. It was a below the belt hit and totally uncalled for. It's bullying, like a lot of stuff he does to you. Bullies have no self-esteem and need to knock others down to build themselves up.
Probably none of this is very comforting right now, but I really hope you can surround yourself with loving people for the next several days and NOT see H. He does not deserve to be in your presence right now. Please continue to try to take care of yourself and update us. Is there a friend's house you can escape to for a few nights? My offer of my house remains open--
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
