OTMT, Behind that last angry post I sense a person who is feeling hurt, sad, confused,, frustrated, humiliated, hopeless....
A little higher on the humilitated side, but otherwise pretty much on the dot. I really am not sure where to go now. I don't want to talk to her, I know that much. She has made it clear she wants to make decisions now. I can't. Not now. I want to hug her, but that isn't going to be happening just yet.
She may be right about her giving up on me - I think that is what hurts. I'm not going to ask for the divorce, but I know I can't make her stay either. If she doesn't want me as I am, what can I do about that? I know I need time to deal with my problems, time that she feels she cannot give. Maybe tomorrow she'll feel differently.
Thank you VERY much June, Chatterbug, and the MANY others for your help. I wouldn't be here if I didn't need it.
I really thought I had closed the deal with the dinner, confessions, and other things I've been doing. Maybe I'm expecting too much, too soon.
Knittedscarf...I couldn't agree with the statement you posted more - thanks.
I know for most men/women, they can just not do it like a choice. If I could've just stopped, I would've stopped a decade and a half ago. I don't get how to help my W understand that. She thinks my transgressions are just a choice, so if I loved her I would choose to stop. If I didn't stop, then I must not love her or be committed to being a decent man. It doesn't help that porn = an affair to her.
I don't want a shoulder to cry on for what I caused myself. Just understanding and time. I need time.
