Are regrets when you end a separation normal?

[june72]

OTMT,
Behind that last angry post I sense a person who is feeling hurt, sad, confused,, frustrated, humiliated, hopeless....

OTMT, here are things that we know about you. You are not selfish or arrogant. You ARE a good father, a good husband, a good friend and a good man! How do we know this about you? B/c instead of simply just Ding your wife and hurt your children, you have come here and laid bare your inner most feelings, secrets and thoughts.

You have lent a "helping hand" to others on this message board. And have pursued counseling for yourself and confronted ugly truths and mistaken assumptions. You have gained perspective and insight and enlightenment and continued on this hard path. You have retracted the D and made efforts to show love to you wife.


OTMT, YOU are not a bad person, Perhaps some of your actions and behaviors are wrong, but you has a human being are not bad. You are not selfish. You innermost intentions have always been genuinely good. In life we ALL have found it easier to blame others for problems or easily look at others faults and ignore our own.
EVERYONE here is guilty of this. I am super guilty of this. I was so focused on my hubby's wrongdoing I NEVER even thought that there were issues on which I really needed to improve on and change. Didn't even register with me.


We know that probably your wife also has found it easier to find fault with you and not focus more on herself like we all know she should. We really do know this.


Again, you have come here, you have expressed you innermost feelings, taken the hard hits.

You should be proud of the insight and work you have done so far. I really get the impression that much of your assumptions and beliefs probably stem from your childhood. You do what you know- no better. And then when you learn better- you do better. It is painful to look inside oneself and see that we have our failings.


You are probably feeling really low right now and hopeless. It is when a person is at their lowest that they will find their inner strength. OTMT, you have that inner strength. It is there with in you. I will I could find a religious reference to give to comment more meaning. You have stated that religion is important to you. Turn to your religion and find guidance and inner peace. While in the mist of a trial or tribulation look to God to find your comfort.

Often as a child confuses an angry parent of hating them do not feel that here. When actually the parents loves them. Rather CG, Chatter, myself and many more feel for you and react with emotion about your sitch. It is the person that does not have concern for you who reacts without emotion.

Please know that no one is judging you here (ok, yes we have judged your behavior but not you as a person, we should have tread better), no one is looking down at you, no one is hating you here (that is a fact). No one is against you here (again very true).

We really, really, really are all here to support you. To "lift you up" to a better place.


Please do not confuse bad actions, behaviors with being a bad person. We are all smart enough to know that at times good people make poor decisions and choices. We are all very guilty or really bad actions and behaviors on our end. Every one of us is guilty with sin. It is so true.


Ironically, Easter is tomorrow and it all about rebirth (I know your not Christian but). But on that day that many look towards rebirth. How about you have a "rebirthing" of your own. Let's start fresh. Start a new thread, start a new mindset, feel rejuvenation in your heart and soul. Heal your hurts.

If you come here- start a new thread. We all will be happy. We would forward to your continued posts. We are for you OTMT. We have genuine sincere concern for you and your family.

Come back, dust yourself off, pick yourself up and lets continue on this good path. You have it in you. You know this and we know this. You are a strong person. You ARE a good father, a good husband, a good friend and a good man!