M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
So I screwed up again.. Couldn't get the porn desire to shake this morning, she asked me if I wanted it and I said yes. I really need to start lying to the woman!
So eventually, she decided she's going to leave and throw out out plan for having a picnic at a park so I could do it. I couldn' back her down from leaving.
She retuned 7 hrs later. She wants a D again. ust now, she said she's going to leave for a walk again. I said I wasn't in any state to watch the kids. She said something along the lines of , 'fine, when you find me dead on the floor you can be responsible for that too'.
Come on, OTMT. This is ridiculous. Will you start acting responsibly and work on saving your marraige here. How much are you going to put this woman through? Do not lie. State I have to admit I am feeling weak today but I am strong enough to push through. I love you and am working on being a better man.
I have been thinking about it and I think the reason sex takes so long for you b/c you are not to in to it. It's b/c you are comparing her to these porno girls with their unrealistic bodies, it's very hard to have a body like that and many have lipo or breast implants, etc.
I think the issue is that you have screwed up your views on what is attractive. That your views are unrealistic. I know that my hubby stated he really felt that he needed a women that looked like a model (with an awesome body and no less). He states now that he had screwed up views on women.
In college- no girl was pretty enough for him. They all had some flaw. Mostly he thought they were all too fat- even the ones that were not overweight. Many girls wanted to date him- he rejected them all. See how screwy he was, I mean ridiculous. He really wanted to have a girlfriend but none ever met his standards.
Fix your standards OTMT
What does "Where's that bunny?" mean? Is that a reference to fatal attraction? What?
So did you look at porn anyhow today? Knowing that it would upset your wife? You need to be truthful here. I bet you did.
I honestly am really ticked at you. You put everything wrong with the marriage as her fault. Find it hard to own up to any of your wrongdoings. Finally admit to a porn addiction (big deal, my friend) and still don't seem to get how important it is to take responsibility for you actions and behavior.
Come on man, step up!
The way I am looking at if for the moment? Why shouldn't she want to D you?
You have talked and talked about how this marraige is not working for YOU ad nausium. Never ONCE have you mentioned your children. Your love for them, the desire not to hurt them with a D. It has been all about you and your happiness. Don't you get that marriage is not all abut happy times. Marriage is about weathering through rough times together. Marriage is about sticking it out when the times get tough.
You have put your wife through the wringer and she has stuck it out. Do you really, raelly get how much you are hurting here? Forget your unmet needs for a moment. Tell me what in the world have YOU been doing to try and improve things, beside complain.
And then when your wife needs a walk. You complain that you are in no condition to watch the kids!!! Like she is? Can you stop thinking about yourself????
OK, I will give you kudos that you are going to IC. I am very happy for that. And very glad that you have stuck it out here. But going to counseling one hour a week and posting here is NOT enough. As CG said, you need to take actions!!!!!!
OMG, OTMT, what more can I say.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
OTMT - at this point you are simply too self absorbed to work on your M. Period. June is right... it seems all you care about is your own happiness and needs. IMO you have painted a very skewed portrait of your W. You need to work on your addiction and you before you should even consider trying to work on the M.
I also agree about the sex issues. You have conjured up such unreal expectations about what a woman and sex should be that you can't participate, enjoy or even recognize reality anymore.
Honestly, I can't say I blame your W for wanting out. To be with a man for 10 years knowing he thinks you are stupid, ugly and everything else you say she is, well, I would run too.
It is time to work on you and the R you have with your children. The situation with your W is becoming very, very unhealthy and twisted.
Honestly, I can't say I blame your W for wanting out. To be with a man for 10 years knowing he thinks you are stupid, ugly and everything else you say she is, well, I would run too.
Thanks for the advice. I divorce her and make you all happy.
Do you know how immature you sound making a comment like that? You have two women here (your best resource IMO as you don't seem to really understand women) trying to assist you and somehow you feel a comment like that is appropriate?
Interesting how you push people away when things get a bit too real.
Do you want to improve yourself and possibly rebuild your M or do you want to waste time making a-hole comments? You decide and let us know.
OTMT, Behind that last angry post I sense a person who is feeling hurt, sad, confused,, frustrated, humiliated, hopeless....
OTMT, here are things that we know about you. You are not selfish or arrogant. You ARE a good father, a good husband, a good friend and a good man! How do we know this about you? B/c instead of simply just Ding your wife and hurt your children, you have come here and laid bare your inner most feelings, secrets and thoughts.
You have lent a "helping hand" to others on this message board. And have pursued counseling for yourself and confronted ugly truths and mistaken assumptions. You have gained perspective and insight and enlightenment and continued on this hard path. You have retracted the D and made efforts to show love to you wife.
OTMT, YOU are not a bad person, Perhaps some of your actions and behaviors are wrong, but you has a human being are not bad. You are not selfish. You innermost intentions have always been genuinely good. In life we ALL have found it easier to blame others for problems or easily look at others faults and ignore our own. EVERYONE here is guilty of this. I am super guilty of this. I was so focused on my hubby's wrongdoing I NEVER even thought that there were issues on which I really needed to improve on and change. Didn't even register with me.
We know that probably your wife also has found it easier to find fault with you and not focus more on herself like we all know she should. We really do know this.
Again, you have come here, you have expressed you innermost feelings, taken the hard hits.
You should be proud of the insight and work you have done so far. I really get the impression that much of your assumptions and beliefs probably stem from your childhood. You do what you know- no better. And then when you learn better- you do better. It is painful to look inside oneself and see that we have our failings.
You are probably feeling really low right now and hopeless. It is when a person is at their lowest that they will find their inner strength. OTMT, you have that inner strength. It is there with in you. I will I could find a religious reference to give to comment more meaning. You have stated that religion is important to you. Turn to your religion and find guidance and inner peace. While in the mist of a trial or tribulation look to God to find your comfort.
Often as a child confuses an angry parent of hating them do not feel that here. When actually the parents loves them. Rather CG, Chatter, myself and many more feel for you and react with emotion about your sitch. It is the person that does not have concern for you who reacts without emotion.
Please know that no one is judging you here (ok, yes we have judged your behavior but not you as a person, we should have tread better), no one is looking down at you, no one is hating you here (that is a fact). No one is against you here (again very true).
We really, really, really are all here to support you. To "lift you up" to a better place.
Please do not confuse bad actions, behaviors with being a bad person. We are all smart enough to know that at times good people make poor decisions and choices. We are all very guilty or really bad actions and behaviors on our end. Every one of us is guilty with sin. It is so true.
Ironically, Easter is tomorrow and it all about rebirth (I know your not Christian but). But on that day that many look towards rebirth. How about you have a "rebirthing" of your own. Let's start fresh. Start a new thread, start a new mindset, feel rejuvenation in your heart and soul. Heal your hurts.
If you come here- start a new thread. We all will be happy. We would forward to your continued posts. We are for you OTMT. We have genuine sincere concern for you and your family.
Come back, dust yourself off, pick yourself up and lets continue on this good path. You have it in you. You know this and we know this. You are a strong person. You ARE a good father, a good husband, a good friend and a good man!
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
I rambled a bit. Hope that post was coherent. Honestly, I am thinking that the message boards will be very quiet this holiday weekend. But I am sure others will posts in the following week.
Do not give up hope. Never give up on hope.
I am on the alt- DeeBee and my user name. Or look up Flowmom and see her friends.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
Not sure if this is conveying what I mean to say but I am trying to find something that you may relate to:
“So lose no heart, nor fall into despair if you are true in faith for you are higher. If a wound touches you, be sure similar wound has touched others. Such days of fortune we give to people by turns, that Allah may know those that believe, and He may take to Himself martyrs from your ranks, Allah loves not those that do wrong “
Al-Imran 3: 139 & 140
I tried to find something in the Koran about not giving up, not losing hope.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
