Positive Moments... The Sequel

[K4D]

I am planning on going swimming straight after work on Friday. So I at least will kick off the weekend that way. Then I will swim Saturday morning and Sunday at some point. I swim laps about an hour and ten minutes and I am worn out after that, but feel awesome and totally relaxed after. The chances are I will end up at a dance studio Friday night. Always a fun place to be.

To bad baseball doesn't start til Monday. Would be fun to pick up a game Sunday. Oh well.

Kevin

[K4D]

The Astros home opener is Monday at 6pm. Woohoo!!

Kevin

[25yearsmlc]

K4,

Very Glad your job is going well!

So, Make plans for Easter for yourself and stop waiting for your w or her family to plan your holidays. She has the kids, you don't. Your sitch is, evidently, NOT a sitch that will include you on her days. If they change their mind at the last minute and invite you for the kids' sake and you go, it's weird - b/c you actually don't like being around them, and they don't like being around you, yet it's what you are praying will happen.

If you are still waiting for this pattern of theirs to change, then you're in the same place you were in 2 Easter's ago. Tell me you're not, please.

Easter is about change, birth and re-birth, growth, resurrection, etc. I know you want it to be your M that gets resurrected, but what if YOU are instead, what if you are "re-born"-emotionally and mentally and as a partner?

What if you stopped thinking you need your wife for happiness, and instead, you keep up the GAL activities, and do some serious personal growth work that is internal, and just learn, finally, how to be a happy man who lives well? I'm not a shrink, but I think it starts with you believing at some level, that you deserve to be happy. Do you know what I'm talking about?
j-

[MrBond]

25yearsmlc is back and on the job!

[Startingover2]

Yes, plan your own Easter. Your comment about it being mutually awful was funny, but if its really that way then why go?

How is the swimming going? I should start doing laps again. Gives you the best workout.

[K4D]

Tonight W and I talked for a couple of hours after she came over to pick up our girls for the week. Before we knew it, we ended up at dinner together again continuing to chat about things. Seems to becoming more common these days.

If they change their mind at the last minute and invite you for the kids' sake and you go, it's weird - b/c you actually don't like being around them, and they don't like being around you, yet it's what you are praying will happen.

I actually let W know tonight that I wasn't interested in being invited to anymore "family" events if it was all fake and just to make sure the kids were there.

I also told W tonight that I don't need to be included in any holiday events because someone is worried about me spending it alone. I said I am fine and will make plans for myself and not to concern themselves with me anymore. W said that the girls worried about me being alone for holidays. I reiterated I am fine and I make my own plans.

If you are still waiting for this pattern of theirs to change, then you're in the same place you were in 2 Easter's ago. Tell me you're not, please.

I'm not or I wouldn't have stated what I did tonight to my W.

Easter is about change, birth and re-birth, growth, resurrection, etc. I know you want it to be your M that gets resurrected, but what if YOU are instead, what if you are "re-born"-emotionally and mentally and as a partner?

I have been reborn as a person. Every day I am growing more and more into who I should have been all along. I look back at how I was a year ago and how I am today, and they are 2 different worlds.

What if you stopped thinking you need your wife for happiness, and instead, you keep up the GAL activities, and do some serious personal growth work that is internal, and just learn, finally, how to be a happy man who lives well? I'm not a shrink, but I think it starts with you believing at some level, that you deserve to be happy. Do you know what I'm talking about?

It would be nice to be desired. But either way, I am making plans for my own life each day and including more the further along I get.

I almost kind of feel like you are still trying to categorize me into where I used to be, and I am not where I used to be.

My life is much more fulfilling now than it was in the past. I can't complain. God has been good to me.

Kevin

[K4D]

SO2,

Swimming is awesome. It really is the best workout you can do for your body. I feel absolutely amazing after I finish with laps. I also feel tired yet relaxed. Oddly, I feel like I don't give a crap about much after I am done with laps. It is just a great feeling over all.

Kevin

[CityGirl]

VERY GOOD on telling your W you no longer care to be invited to holiday events for the sake of the family or the girls. EXCELLENT!

I like swimming too. I agree it leaves you feeling exhausted yet energized all at the same time. It's great for me as it is easy on the joints yet still a really complete workout.

Sounds like you have firmly landed in the friend zone with your W. Are you comfortable with that?

Happy Easter!

[K4D]

Sounds like you have firmly landed in the friend zone with your W. Are you comfortable with that?

If you are going to have a starting point at building a bridge back, I suppose that is the best place to start. I am not thrilled with being another buddy of hers. But that may be where it has to be for the time being. It is better than having hostility still between us.

Kevin

[25yearsmlc]

K4,

here's a question. About this time of year, 2 years ago, you guys reconciled, correct? It had been a few months since her first bomb, and you gave it another go, but it didn't work out after a short while. What did that reconciliation look like? Be specific and detailed, if only to yourself (assuming you don't want to discuss it). Or discuss it. Either way. What matters is--

What would be diff about a reconciliation today? Assuming you can articulate specifics about how things would be different if you were to do it all over again, ((and if you can't be specifics about a reconciliation "now", you're probably nowhere near being ready for a lasting recon, honestly)), So what can you demonstrate to your w behaviorally, (and of course without saying it either) that would show evidence of this new sitch?

IOW, why should she believe things would be better this time?

Once you can spell this out with behavioral actions, then even if she doesn't come back, at least you'll know you are being the best man you can be, and not just talking and wishing it were so. Make sense? Good luck,
He is risen.
J-