Need some help!!!

[TrentC]

I have some thoughts after reading through your situation.

1) If you can't get the book back, don't sweat it. WAS's are rarely interested in working on the relationship, so it's unlikely that he'll ever crack it open.

2) The first thing that you need to come to terms with is that you cannot control his behavior. However, you can influence his behavior by how you interact with him.

A good book for you to look at is The Solo Partner by Phil Deluca; it discusses much of the same stuff as DB and DR, and also covers topics like emotional reactivity (here is a good article by Scott Ginsberg on the subject) and detachment (here is a Livestrong.com article on detachment). If you can work on detaching and overcoming emotional reactivity, you have the tools to defuse the negative interaction that currently exists.

3) Work on yourself. Many people are unwilling or unable to change until their life is in crisis. You should take advantage of this to really look at yourself and decide who you are and what is important to you.

The easiest way to start this is to read, read, read. 1000ships collected a whole bunch of good articles by James J. Messina, the author of "Developing Detachment" above, in this thread.

Good books:
The Solo Partner by Phil Deluca (mentioned above)
Getting Back Together by Bettie Youngs and Masa Goetz
His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn
(She and her husband Jeff wrote a companion book, For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women)