I don't think he's done with you by a long shot--keep DBing like CRAZY!!!
Anger, although annoying, and needs to have boundaries, is energy and lots of it. When they are "done", they don't put energy towards you any longer. Pushing your buttons will be the last thing on his mind.
When they get quiet, even "friendly", THAT is the time to worry.
My husband right now is in "anger" and sulking mode (the opposite of anger is sulking). I am not even a bit worried he is "done". He is not wanting this relationship to be over, but he also does not want to give up his anger, which according to my research is like an addiction and makes him feel strong and powerful. He has to learn a new way to deal with his anger, not take it out on me.
I am doing my boundaries, and also working on MORE positives than I EVER have before. Still hard, but I do have a peace that came from TONS of work here 5-6 years ago. In other words, I have a really good "base" to work from.
Last time this happened I did Acts of Service like crazy (I didn't have a clue back then about LLs.) I called him at work a lot (a 180 FOR ME). I started to massage his feet every night he was home. (his other LL is physical touch)
I learned to self sooth, pray, appreciate the little things--it's not an "easy jounrney", but.. there is "joy", too. I loved "confusing" him with my changes. He just doesn't know (and still doesn't with my latest changes) what to think of me.
DBing will give you tools to change your relationships--heck, I use this stuff on EVERYONE now!! You will always face difficult people, or people that are temporarily difficult for whatever reason (stress, illness, etc). Validating, speaking to their LLs, etc--ALL so helpful and ALWAYS, when they come out of the fog, appreciated. You can "be there" for people like no one else can.
Oh--learn how to love him unconditionally, but in a detached way. I "love" my husband (it is a verb and I promised "to love", not "be in love") but I don't like him much at all right now. Crazy huh! It's great though--he doesn't "affect" me the same way when he doesn't hug me back. I actually could care less. I get tickled to death that he has so little affect on my emotions!!
Here is one of my favorite verses from all those years ago. I LOVE to give it to people who are struggling. It gave me so much peace when I heard it the first time.
Romans 5:3
We rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us.
I hope this verse speaks to you and brings you peace like it did me. You are suffering, but it will NOT be in vain. You WILL have hope, and hope will never disappoint!
