Hi. I hope my topic title is somewhat self-explanatory. Have a lot of you all here experienced the same thing with your MLS spouse? This is one of the more the difficult things I have experienced when interacting with my wife. We've been together for 12+ years. We've bonded strongly enough over the years that alot of our mannerisms are similar, we know each other's moods very well, etc... Combine this with the crisis that appears to be unfolding inside her since her emotional affair started with DJ last July. Throw depression into the pot. Sprinkle a little memory loss and confusion for good measure. Stir it all up. And, what do you have??
Skunk soup!
Seriously, in general, my wife has always had this knack for projecting her moods onto others (I say this in positive and negative terms). But, in this MLC state, that projection is much more intense than anything I've experienced with my wife in the past; especially now that she has moved out and no longer has a direct outlet (me) to release her inner turmoil and bad choices.
In general, it's already difficult enough to counter or deflect someone's negativity when he/she is sub-/un-consciously projecting that negativity onto someone else. Put that in the context of an MLC spouse who is engaged in an affair, in the throes of depression, anger, etc... In her current state of mood and mind, when it happens with my wife, it's extremely difficult to shake her negativity, not feel like it's ME who IS at fault for everything wrong in her life, and then STILL try to remain positive, loving, and upbeat towards her.
I've read here some of the articles, opinions, experiences on detachment. It makes total sense in the context of MLC. For many years I've held a strong affinity towards Buddhist religion, and one of Buddhism's core concepts is indeed 'detachment' to alleviate suffering in one's personal life.
I'm learning to detach with my MLC wife, and am somewhat successful (so far) with staying positive and loving with my "real" wife. But, when she's in 'one of those moods' this 'MLC projection' [of her negativity] is very intense and extremely hard to shake. In my experience, I could be Buddha re-incarnate himself and still have a tough time dealing with her negativity. To me, with MLC it's analogous to downing a whole bottle of Vitamin C so you won't catch a cold...and then spending your days tending sick people.
Sooner or later...you're gonna catch a cold!
Sooooooooo, how do you all cope with this aspect of MLC in dealing with your spouse(s)/significant others?
