more strange twist... so x showed up for d13 softball game. didn't know if he would because of his work dealings. anyway.. he called a couple of times from the field.. he couldn't see our team wanted to make sure he was at the rest place... (left messages on my phone.. I was on another call)
Anyway - he was standing by my car when I parked. I tried to take to long.. but he waited.. then he walked with me rather then ahead (and yes in the past few years since he left that was the story.. or I would be trying to keep up wiht him.. I dont do that anymore). So we get to the bleachers... you would THINK that he would get his own place to sit.. but he doesnt he WAITS for ME to sit down and sits right beside me WIERD moment #2,
So - this is where it is wierd. I am NOT angry at all..so I am nice. and we can talk.. so he converses.. i converse. JUST WIERD. I dont have any real boundary with it cause I am ok. (trying to be honest with myself.) but i really am.
So the game is done.. he hangs out which again is WIERD... but we all walk to the car and d13 and I leave. Then last night he comes to get d13. He was early.. but it was ok cause she is on spring break and I was home.
HEre is where it is wierdly normal.. but wierd. (Sorry dont know what other word to use..) IT was BEAUTIFUL yesterday.. I had been out all day - and mowed and stuff.. so we (D13 and I) were in the back. 2 of d13's friends showed up unexpected so they were playing volleyball and laughing and such.. so x comes to the backyard...
I offer a beer to him.. he excepts. (This is normal).. BUT he is in NO HURRY to leave. D13 is happy happy hanging with friends.. I say X minutes.. she is like ok cool.. Then everyone gets ready to roll.
When x is getting ready to leave with d13.. he says "Hey Cagzmom you want to come with us to BWW to get some wings?" D13 was right in front of me and I was like "HUH?" .. I said jokingly "you paying..?" he was "Sure"... and so I said "hmm self do you want to.. " and then said Yes.
So that was the FIRST time since Sept. 2007 that we have done ANYTHING like that. (i remember the last time because it was for D13 bday.. DISASTER!! oh my!!) anyway.. just so wierd.
HE.. is wierd. I dont try and figure him out and I KNOW that it menas nothing.. but it is so strange to me.
I feel like i have betrayed some of my friends and family who have walked with me through this. I think they would get mad adn I dont want to deal with thier wrath.. this is just such a strange twist.
HE supposedly does have a gf. But she lives about 40 min. away.. and he doesnt see her. So i think she is just a "happy feel good" girl. You know one to stroke his ego when needed.
This is just strange and new territory for me.
He would feel comfortable around ANYONE.. He is arrogant. (BUT you would never know it.. cause he is that good at being a liar). I just dont know this is strange.
I did text my C.. asked him to give me a call if he could.. just dont want to spiral BUT I THINK I am ok.
DOnt know.. PLease chime in if you have any thoughts.
This is weird.
me
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
All of the above is GREAT... as long as you do not look any farther into it than you got a free meal and some extra time with your daughter.
I have watched you struggle for so long, and I just don't want to see you take any steps backwards.
This may not be what you had hoped to hear... and yeah, there will be people that will want to jump right in and declare him "out of the tunnel..." ...just keep in mind this: recently I accompanied my X to a funeral. There was LOTS of "weirdness," including (and this is one of the smaller things)him holding my hand most of the way there and home. It was a very long trip, incidentally. Thing is, he has done stuff like this for YEARS and nothing has ever changed.
I know things are different for everyone, so who knows what is going on with your x. I just want to make sure you don't let this throw you off. You, like me, struggle to get into any new relationships. I just really hope more for you than what I have done to myself these past several years.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
T-wanna know what is wierd. AND I am sure this will not sit kindly with some but here is where I am.. I have been realzing more and more that X is/was a liar. I DO NOT mean that harsh.. it is truth and it is ok to sit with. In a way it makes dealing with him (for now) easier because I just dont believe him... that keeps me from expecting ANYTHING.
The one thing that I am thinking about now is just my kids. Mostly d13. We had a good talk about the "dinner" thing and she was as shocked as I was. BUT SHE WAS VERY happy about it. And I felt a little hopeful. What I told her was this.. I think x (DAD) likes taht I dont' fight.. he doesn't like confrontation. (And she KNOWS this) so for now this is working. AND because it makes you (d13) happy I am cool with it. BUT i DO NOT expect that it means anythign more then we are getting along in this stage of divorce... and thats it. I do NOT think he means anything more by it... I also told her that I dont necessarily trust her dad.... not being mean.. and she got it. 100%.
He has lied so much to me, to my kids, his family that it is kinda fact. I do think it made her.. hmm kinda sad that his intentions were "nothing more then what it was,"
It is sad.. every kid wishes and hopes.. Shoot how many of us have been that way. But a GOOD FRIEND here on the board reminded me to get out of the FAIRY TALE and move forward. That word was very helpful and timely and good.
So - I move forward. Man it has been hard...
HAPPY EASTER to all!!
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
It is only human to have a spark of hope, if not for the marriage but for the sanity of a ex. We can still wish for our ex's mental health to return.
Kids are so smart. They sometimes know the truth before we do.
You are good to keep your guard up. The lies don't just disappear over night.
You deserve only decency and respect..... remember that.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
took d13 and one of her friends on a little get away for spring break.. I am realzing that you need to LOOK for Gods goodness. Things you may have taken forgranted before.. LOOK for him to bless you. HE will. Often it isn't in the ways we expect.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
God is good Glad you and your daughter and her friend were able to go somewhere for spring break!! ITs always good to get away!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I wanted to thank you for your last post on my thread. I think about what you said often.
Hope you are doing good today
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
