Welcome Bobby. You are not alone here. First of all, don't file for the D. Secondly, don't leave your home and don't leave your master bedroom. If she wants these things.....then she needs to be the one to do them.
Next, stop trying to change her mind and convince her she doesn't want what she is saying. That seems to be what most LBH's do and it makes the WAW much worse. She wants you to move on with your life? Okay, then you get a life that does not include her. You make plans for the weekends to be out of the house as much as possible. If you want to go somewhere during the week, then do so. Do not attend events with her or visit relatatives with her. You don't check with her first to see if it is okay. She is not your mother so you don't get permission. You don't give details about what you are doing. If she asks questions, you stay as vague as you can without lying to her. That makes you mysterious and very interesting.
Getting a life (GAL) is for you, and it will help you to stop being so focused on her and to become more rounded and interesting. Get involved in the things you use to enjoy. Visit old friends,etc.
You stop being available to your W to go & do the things she wants to do b/c you always have something scheduled. If she asks about going to something with her, you tell her you'll have to think about it or see if you can change your plans.
Being unavailable to your W is probably the most important thing for a LBH. Pull away from her. Do not pursue her in any form/fashion b/c it will work the opposite way from what you were wanting. Do not tell her you love her, buy her gifts, bring her flowers, etc., b/c that is pursuing. Any sort of pressure on her from you will push her further out the door.
She needs to discover how it would be to not have you foot her expenses for her new career. She did not make use of the first time you financed her schooling and if she's wanting a D, she should not expect you to finance any futher endeavors.
You see, most WAW's want their freedom but they want to keep the "parts" of M life that was convenient for them or saved face before others. We call it eating cake b/c they want it both ways. She needs to find out that she can't have it both ways and that she cannot control you. You are your own man and she wants a D, so she needs a little taste of what it would be like.
You are not rude to her or anything like that, but she needs to experience what it is to lose her position as your W, therefore, you treat her like you would act around a co-worker or a distant relative.
It is not easy to back away and detach from the spouse, but that is what you must do with a WAW. She must be attracted to you again and she won't do that if you are smothering her with your attention.
Take a personal inventory to see what you can do to improve yourself. Update your wardrobe, personal appearance, and your personality & manners.
Holidays are somewhat slow around here so don't get discouraged if you do not get many replies at first. Post as often as you can and reach out to others. Read the other threads and get to know people here.
Take care of yourself.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
